I heard awful news yesterday: da Thirsty Dragon Tavern was invadeds by RATSES!
Accordings to Tavern Keep BRYSTER SHAN, dese rats all ober da place. Bryster thinks it was Dwagons did it (well, one in particular) but how we get rats to come to tavern? We just dwagons an always innocents.
However, we CAN get rats to go away. So for modest price, we offered services of RATBUSTERS!
Bryster not too happy with whole idea. He thinks dwagons put rats dere. So we negotiated a bit.
Bryster declared a court of judgement, and we called in a Jury to decide if da dwagons was guilty of bringing in rats, or if we innocent and dere to cleans it up. Da Jury voteds INNOCENT, UNANIMOUS of course, cos dwagons is always innocent.
Despite verdict, Judge Bryster become executioner and pulls out sword. He chased Snoots all over da place but he neber catches hims, because dwagons is fast an flips ober counters.
In da end, rotten ol Barkeep tricks poor dwagon. Here is full historical record, exactly as happen. You be da judge.
[18:09] Entering ElvenMyst
[18:09] Curious Hazelnut: Hi mister bryster, sir.
[18:09] Bryster Shan: Greetings! Hail and Merry Met!
[18:09] Taralyn Melodie: merry meet bryster
[18:09] Curious Hazelnut: May I have a cookie? One with no rat bits?
(Snoots enters, dressed to the nines in a full "Ghostbusters" getup)
[18:09] Snoots Dwagon: ¸.•*?RATBUSTERS ? `*•.¸
[18:09] Snoots Dwagon: ? *•.¸WhoYaGonnaCall?¸.•*?
[18:10] Snoots Dwagon: ¸.•*?RATBUSTERS ? `*•.¸
[18:10] Snoots Dwagon: ? I aint afraid of no rats!?
[18:10] Curious Hazelnut: HI Snoots.
[18:10] Snoots Dwagon: We camed, we seed, we kicked its hiney!
[18:10] Curious Hazelnut: you missed a rat.
[18:11] Snoots Dwagon: Okies, lemme figures up cost of dis job
[18:11] Snoots Dwagon counts rats
[18:11] Bryster Shan: Not paying.
[18:11] Snoots Dwagon: One
[18:11] Snoots Dwagon: two
[18:11] Snoots Dwagon: elebendy
[18:11] Taralyn Melodie: *smiles*
[18:11] Bryster Shan: Who would like a drink?
[18:12] Snoots Dwagon: I WOULDS!
[18:12] Curious Hazelnut: and you left a rat on the bar, too.
[18:12] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster, you is right. I is detecting rats.
[18:12] Snoots Dwagon: Wif my rat thingamaboby
[18:12] Snoots Dwagon: Dere definitely rats around
[18:13] Curious Hazelnut: we need to call the health department
[18:13] Curious Hazelnut: condemn the bar?
[18:13] Shawn Daysleeper: ya these rats have been here for days
[18:13] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster hire me to get rid of rats
[18:13] Bryster Shan: Did not!
[18:13] Snoots Dwagon: You did! You said "Come take care of dese rats!" Right in main chat!
[18:13] Bryster Shan groans
[18:14] Bryster Shan: Snoots puts rats on bar so that he can charge me for cleaning dem up.
[18:14] Snoots Dwagon looks through records....
[18:14] Snoots Dwagon hands bryster order sheet:
[18:07] Group Chat: Bryster Shan: Good! You can clean up the dead rats.
[18:14] Snoots Dwagon: Yup, dat is order form right dere.
[18:14] Taralyn Melodie: hehehe
[18:14] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster hire me to cleans up rats
[18:15] Bryster Shan: You missed the bit where I said you put them there so you can clean em up.
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Ohh dead mousie right dere
[18:15] Curious Hazelnut: are you sure he didn't hire *me* to clean up the rats?
[18:15] Bryster Shan: This is a scam.
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Dead mousies costs extra
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Prolly whole cookie
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Okies I losted counts
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: I start counting again
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: One...
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Two....
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Elebendy...
[18:15] Bryster Shan: How about an angry kitty?
[18:15] Shawn Daysleeper: why didn't clarence take care of this?
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah!
[18:16] Snoots Dwagon: BAD CAT!
[18:16] Bryster Shan: Clarence doesn't get up on the bartops.
[18:16] Snoots Dwagon: How he gonna get rats if he stay off bartops?
[18:16] Snoots Dwagon: Okies Bryster, I counts three live rats anna dead mouse.
[18:16] Snoots Dwagon: So dat gonna costs 4 cookies an 2 rums.
[18:16] Clarence: I saw that Dwagon thing put dead rats and mice everywhere.
[18:16] Bryster Shan: Busted!
[18:17] Bryster Shan: clarence saw the whole thing.
[18:17] Taralyn Melodie: hehehehe
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: Dat pretty fair price.
[18:17] Taralyn Melodie: i think your busted Snoots
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: Dese rat guns not grows on treees you knows
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: I always gets blamed for rateses.
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: But what is I? Pied piper?
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: Rats shows up, I gets 'em
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: Dat wot I do. We da ratbusters
[18:18] Snoots Dwagon: ¸.•*?RATBUSTERS ? `*•.¸
[18:18] Snoots Dwagon: ? *•.¸WhoYaGonnaCall?¸.•*?
[18:18] Snoots Dwagon: ¸.•*?RATBUSTERS ? `*•.¸
[18:18] Snoots Dwagon: ? I aint afraid of no rats!?
[18:19] Bryster Shan: Right! Snoots? You claim to have been hired to clearup rats and mouses?
[18:19] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah, you hireds me.
[18:19] Bryster Shan puts on Judges hat.
[18:19] Snoots Dwagon: I not been paid yet though
[18:19] Taralyn Melodie: there's still a rat over here Snoots!
[18:20] Snoots Dwagon: Okies Bryster, you gots rat ober here
[18:20] Koni Lanzius: oops
[18:20] Snoots Dwagon: And you gots rat here on fruits
[18:20] Snoots Dwagon: And I detects rat by tip jar
[18:20] Snoots Dwagon: And dere ded mousie here
[18:20] Snoots Dwagon: So I give you a deal.
[18:21] Snoots Dwagon: You pays for 3 rats and I take out da mousie for free.
[18:21] Taralyn Melodie: *giggles*
[18:21] Snoots Dwagon: Dat be 4 cookies an 2 rums
[18:21] Bryster Shan: Snoots Dwagon! You are hereby to be tried for the henious crime of spreading dead creatures around the Tavern.
[18:21] Feydra Zenoria: lo ... giggles
[18:21] Snoots Dwagon: You is under arrest!
[18:21] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:21] Snoots Dwagon: I not spread no ded critters in tabern! Dey prolly died from eating sammiches!
[18:21] Snoots Dwagon: Or maybe drinkings wiskeys
[18:22] Bryster Shan: If they did they were your sammiches.,
[18:22] Snoots Dwagon: Did you feed dat mousie Ork Snot Ales?
[18:22] Snoots Dwagon: I always gets blamed for taburn stuffs
[18:22] Bryster Shan: Right! I need a jury! We is gonna Try Snoots Dwagon!
[18:22] Snoots Dwagon: Dey not MY rats
[18:22] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:22] Snoots Dwagon: I not said "Rats come sit in taburn"
[18:22] Taralyn Melodie: clarence said you did
[18:22] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:22] Bryster Shan: The accused will remain silent!
[18:23] Curious Hazelnut: and the rat by the cookies thinks it's Snoots' rat. I asked him.
[18:23] Koni Lanzius: go, Good Elf!
[18:23] Snoots Dwagon: Well, if you not wants me to remove rats, of course dat you choice....
[18:23] Bryster Shan: SILENCE!
[18:23] Snoots Dwagon: I'll just put this back where I found it....
[18:23] Bryster Shan: Do you have a Lawyer?
[18:23] Snoots Dwagon: Oh there goes another one. Look at dat critter.. he a big one! Hooo boy! Dat some critter!
[18:23] Bryster Shan: Who wants to defend the Dwagon!
[18:24] Feydra Zenoria: ohhhh defending a dwagon is fun
[18:24] Curious Hazelnut: don't look at me.
[18:24] Snoots Dwagon: But, if you not wanna hire me, dat okies. It you choice. I'll just puts dis back where I finded it.
[18:24] Curious Hazelnut: Snoots is funny but he's gross.
[18:24] Snoots Dwagon: Wot?
[18:24] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:24] Snoots Dwagon: What I do gross?
[18:24] Feydra Zenoria: he looks sooooooooo inocent giggles
[18:24] Bryster Shan: Seems to me the the Dwagon is not understand the seriousness of the charges against him!
[18:24] Feydra Zenoria: innocent but heeeeeeeeeeeeeee
[18:24] Snoots Dwagon: I here to REMOVES ratses. I not can helps it if dey attracted to Brysters Taburn!
[18:25] Feydra Zenoria: who invited the rats in?
[18:25] Bryster Shan: Who wants to be on the Jury?
[18:25] Taralyn Melodie: *giggles*
[18:25] Taralyn Melodie: meme
[18:25] Feydra Zenoria: get some good dwagons here giggles
[18:25] Snoots Dwagon: SILENCE IN COURT.....er....tAVERN!
[18:25] Feydra Zenoria: jury of dwagons would be fine
[18:25] Koni Lanzius: :D
[18:26] Snoots Dwagon: Nobody invited rats in. Dey just shows up!
[18:26] Feydra Zenoria: who is the judge?
[18:26] Bryster Shan: i'M THE jUDGE!
[18:26] Snoots Dwagon: Dey rats!
[18:26] Feydra Zenoria: seeeeeeee
[18:26] Feydra Zenoria: showed up they did
[18:26] Feydra Zenoria: and who put food out for the Rats I ask?
[18:26] Snoots Dwagon: Well I gonna sit down. All dis Ratbustin is hard work.
[18:26] Bryster Shan: Koni Lanzius? Will you stand defense for the accused?
[18:27] Koni Lanzius: i will!
[18:27] loopy String: giggle
[18:27] Bryster Shan: THank you!
[18:27] Koni Lanzius: we pleald insanity your honor!
[18:27] Feydra Zenoria: Feydra *Laughs Out Loud*
[18:27] Snoots Dwagon: WOT????!!!!
[18:27] Curious Hazelnut: Oh, I believe that.
[18:27] Snoots Dwagon: I needs a new atturniquet!
[18:27] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:27] Bryster Shan: The case against Snoots Dwagon is the he with willfullness and premeditation did leave dead animals over the Tavern. How do you plead?
[18:27] Curious Hazelnut: Snoots is definitely a few donuts short of a dozen.
[18:28] Snoots Dwagon: NOTS GUILTY!
[18:28] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:28] Snoots Dwagon: I INNOCENTS!
[18:28] Bryster Shan: Oh he understood that alright!
[18:28] Snoots Dwagon: Can I haz my four cookies now?
[18:28] Curious Hazelnut: Um, Mister Bryster .... can I ask a question?
[18:28] Bryster Shan: Koni? Do you wish to provide evidence of the Dwagon's innocence?
[18:29] Koni Lanzius: huh... errr....
[18:29] Curious Hazelnut: psst, Koni ....
[18:29] Curious Hazelnut: This rat over here doesn't look all that dead.
[18:29] Curious Hazelnut: Just sorta slow.
[18:29] Koni Lanzius: the defendent is innocent by way of..
[18:29] Snoots Dwagon: Hey waits! Judge can't be Plaintiff too!
[18:29] Curious Hazelnut: and the one on the floor is downright energetic.
[18:29] Koni Lanzius: oh we dont have a crime!
[18:29] Koni Lanzius: if the rat lives
[18:29] Koni Lanzius: the charges wont stick!
[18:29] Feydra Zenoria: heeee details details
[18:29] Bryster Shan: My Tavern. My rules!
[18:29] Snoots Dwagon: I innocent by way of being a DWAGON! Dwagons is always innocent.
[18:30] Feydra Zenoria: nay they LOOK innocent is all
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon: May I makes a point in my case?
[18:30] Curious Hazelnut: only the mouse looks dead.
[18:30] Bryster Shan: We talking about dead critters on bartops!
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah! Curious right! Dat a good point!
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon: Is only ONE ded critter, an itta mouse.
[18:30] Taralyn Melodie: hmm the only dead one is the mouse i think
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon: dead mouses happen
[18:30] Koni Lanzius: ohh but I think he's pining for the fwords, yer honor
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon: Coulda been lefted by Ozzy
[18:30] Bryster Shan: Silence!
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon eeps
[18:30] Koni Lanzius: not dead, just resting
[18:31] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah Koni right
[18:31] Snoots Dwagon: It pining for da Fjords
[18:31] Bryster Shan: Snoots Dwagon? Are you a Dwagon?
[18:31] Snoots Dwagon: I is a Dwagon
[18:31] Bryster Shan: Ah-hah! So you confess????
[18:31] Snoots Dwagon: Hey wait, I not been sweared in!
[18:31] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster, you wanna do some swearin?
[18:31] Taralyn Melodie: wait? he's being accused of being a dwagon?
[18:31] Shawn Daysleeper: it's bad for business
[18:31] Bryster Shan: No swearing in da bar.
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Hey wait a seconds. I has one thing to say about dese ratses.
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: "They're not dead yet!"
[18:32] Koni Lanzius: no bleddin crime er!
[18:32] Curious Hazelnut: He's acused of leaving dead rats on the bar.
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Brings out you ded.
[18:32] Koni Lanzius: dey pinin!
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Brings out you ded.
[18:32] Bryster Shan: Snoots Dwagon has confessed to being a Dwagon and is therefore guilty as charged!!!!
[18:32] Taralyn Melodie: well, he is clearly innocent of leaving DEAD rats in the bar
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Yups, Bryster failin to serve drinkses
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Being a Dwagon make me automatic innocent.
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Clarence saw Snoots leave the dead critters.
[18:33] Taralyn Melodie: but the rats not dEAD!
[18:33] Feydra Zenoria: you sure mouse not taking a nap
[18:33] Snoots Dwagon: Let me ask Clarence. Clarence, stay quiet if I not leaved ratses.
(long wait...)
[18:33] Koni Lanzius: 'es meditating
[18:33] Snoots Dwagon waits....
[18:33] Snoots Dwagon: Okies see?
[18:33] Feydra Zenoria: ahhh
[18:33] Snoots Dwagon: Clarents says I not leaved ratses.
[18:33] Clarence: You busted Snoots.
[18:33] Snoots Dwagon: Hey!
[18:33] Shawn Daysleeper: lol
[18:34] Bryster Shan: Guilty!
[18:34] Snoots Dwagon: Cat's can't talks! I being frameded!
[18:34] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:34] Koni Lanzius: a hangin' judge!
[18:34] Feydra Zenoria: forgot the jury
[18:34] Taralyn Melodie: the jury hands down the verdict
[18:34] Taralyn Melodie: and i say innocent!
[18:34] Feydra Zenoria: aye I say innocent
[18:34] Bryster Shan: I hereby sentance you to being dunked in da Pond!
[18:34] Snoots Dwagon: OKIES!
[18:34] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:34] Koni Lanzius: a dunkin!!!!
[18:34] Koni Lanzius: he needs a bath!
[18:35] Snoots Dwagon: Koni you GREAT lawyer. I gonna get dunked in pond!
[18:35] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:35] Bryster Shan: THe evidence before the court is incotrovertable!
[18:35] Bryster Shan: There's no need for the jury to retire.
[18:35] Koni Lanzius: dont for get to wash da pits
[18:35] Snoots Dwagon: Somehow dis court case not seem fair for dwagons.
[18:35] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:35] Snoots Dwagon: I wanna hears from da dragons ober dere.
[18:36] Snoots Dwagon: Does dragons says I innocent? /me makes big blinky eyes
[18:36] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:36] Snoots Dwagon: Okies I calls on da one sensible person in da room to make da decision of whether I guilty or not
[18:37] Snoots Dwagon: DA RAT! Dat rat be total unbiased.
[18:37] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:37] Snoots Dwagon: I bet he frame me even!
[18:37] Shawn Daysleeper: it's the rats fault
[18:37] Snoots Dwagon: I bet these rats all hims friends!
[18:37] Snoots Dwagon: Is court ober? I getting hungry for my 4 cookies
[18:37] Snoots Dwagon: Koni, I only chargings him 4 cookies an 2 rums
[18:37] Bryster Shan: You is going in da pond!
[18:38] Curious Hazelnut: Free drinks for the guilty!
[18:38] Koni Lanzius: I'll bring your bubble bath stuff and ducky
[18:38] Snoots Dwagon: I would likes to points out dat I comed all dressed and ready for rat removal.
[18:38] Snoots Dwagon: And da judge said NOPES! I NOT HIRING YOU!
[18:38] Feydra Zenoria: ahhhh?
[18:38] Snoots Dwagon: So I trieds to removes rats, an hims says nopes.
[18:38] Snoots Dwagon: Does I get to be pond dunked now? :D
[18:39] Feydra Zenoria: ohhh yeh give him a bath
[18:39] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:39] Snoots Dwagon: if Bryster hires me, it only take me couple minutes to gets rid of ratses. And I cheap
[18:40] Curious Hazelnut: does anyone else see the problem with dunking Snoots in the pond?
[18:40] Snoots Dwagon: I not see any prollem with it! :D
[18:40] Feydra Zenoria: he needs it .. phew!
[18:40] Snoots Dwagon: Hey I a clean dwagon!
[18:41] Curious Hazelnut: ya, if you put Snoots in the pond the water's gonna be so dirty nobody else will be able to swim for a week until the scum goes away.
[18:41] Taralyn Melodie: *grins*
[18:41] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:41] Snoots Dwagon: Hey I not a dirty dwagon!
[18:41] Feydra Zenoria: hmmmm that is problem ok
[18:41] Snoots Dwagon: I swims regular!
[18:41] Feydra Zenoria: take him throw out into ocean
[18:41] Snoots Dwagon: An I eats deodorants!
[18:41] Curious Hazelnut: once a year is not alla time.
[18:41] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:42] Curious Hazelnut: and swimming in the bog of eternal stench doesn't 'zactly make you clean.
[18:42] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:42] Taralyn Melodie: *giggles*
[18:42] Snoots Dwagon: I not has to sits here be insulted. I can get insulted elsewhere!
[18:42] Shawn Daysleeper: ??HaHaHa??
[18:43] Curious Hazelnut: yep, you could Snoots.
[18:43] Curious Hazelnut: But it's more fun to insult you here.
[18:43] Snoots Dwagon: I not see no ded critters at all.
[18:43] Curious Hazelnut: what about the rat behind the cookie jar, Snoots?
[18:43] Snoots Dwagon chews slowly, hoping nobody sees.
[18:44] Snoots Dwagon: I not see no rat
[18:44] Curious Hazelnut: move the cookie jar, you'll see a rat.
[18:47] Snoots Dwagon: I gots joke
[18:47] Curious Hazelnut gets ready to cover her ears.
[18:47] Snoots Dwagon: Two hunters crossing bridge.
[18:47] Snoots Dwagon: It about 20 ft down to water
[18:47] Snoots Dwagon: And dey figure good time to use bafroom.
[18:47] Snoots Dwagon: So dey standing dere tinkling.
[18:48] Snoots Dwagon: Off side of bridge into river.
[18:48] Snoots Dwagon: One hunter gets smirky smile and says, "Boy, water sure is cold today!"
[18:48] Snoots Dwagon: And other hunter smiles and says, "Yeah, and it's deep too"
[18:48] Taralyn Melodie: oh dear
[18:48] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:48] Taralyn Melodie: *giggles*
[18:49] Snoots Dwagon: What is diffSnootsce between Rhinocerous and a egg?
[18:49] Taralyn Melodie: ummm?
[18:49] Curious Hazelnut: horns?
[18:49] Koni Lanzius: wot?
[18:49] Snoots Dwagon: Boy I not gonna send you to store for eggs Koni. You prolly bring back a rhino.
[18:49] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:49] Bryster Shan: Ack!
[18:50] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster prolly gathering fakes evidence against poor innocent dwagon.
[18:50] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster, wannna hires me to get rid of rats?
[18:50] Snoots Dwagon: I only charges 4 cookies an 2 rums!
[18:50] Bryster Shan: Snoots? Dey your rats!
[18:50] Snoots Dwagon: Dey not my rats!
[18:50] Snoots Dwagon: Proves dey my rats!
[18:51] Bryster Shan: Clarence? Who left the rats?
[18:51] Snoots Dwagon: Clarence is a cat. Dey lies alla time.
[18:51] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:51] Taralyn Melodie: *nods*
[18:52] Snoots Dwagon: Him knows Snoots innocent dwagon dat would neber, eber leaves rats on counter.
[18:52] Snoots Dwagon: But I can gets rid of dems.
[18:52] Snoots Dwagon: It only cost 4 cookies an 2 rums. Comes on, dat pretty cheap!
[18:53] Taralyn Melodie: *nods* its not a bad rate i guess
[18:53] Snoots Dwagon: I already getted rid of ded mouse, for free! (*belch*)
[18:53] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:53] Taralyn Melodie: where the mouse go?
[18:53] Taralyn Melodie: ohhhhhh
[18:53] Taralyn Melodie: eeewwwwww
[18:53] Koni Lanzius: the evidence is missing!
[18:54] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah!
[18:54] Snoots Dwagon: No ded animals in here!
[18:54] Clarence: Snoots put the rats there. Snoots put the rats there.
[18:54] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:54] Snoots Dwagon: LIke I said, cats lie alla time.
[18:54] Koni Lanzius: cat has a conflict of interest
[18:54] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah!
[18:54] Snoots Dwagon: He knows he not lies, NO TUNA FOR YOU!
[18:54] Bryster Shan: Any last words Dwagon?
[18:55] Taralyn Melodie: that dwagon is innocent
[18:55] Snoots Dwagon: I demands jury of my peers.
(Clarence attacks Snoots at this point)
[18:55] Snoots Dwagon: Nice kitty
[18:55] Snoots Dwagon: pet pet pet
[18:55] Taralyn Melodie: the jury said
[18:55] Curious Hazelnut: is Clarence attacking Snoots?
[18:55] Bryster Shan: Yes.
[18:55] Bryster Shan: Sentence is passed.
[18:55] Snoots Dwagon: Nice kitty
[18:55] Taralyn Melodie: are you alright
[18:56] Curious Hazelnut: Throw him in the Bog of Eternal Stench!
[18:56] Snoots Dwagon: Dis cat got wierd purr
[18:56] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:56] Bryster Shan: He's gonna folow you home for sure!
[18:56] Snoots Dwagon: I bet it Clarence brought in rats so he'd has supper!
[18:56] Taralyn Melodie: *nods
[18:56] Snoots Dwagon: Cos I bet Bryster forgetted to feeds him so he brot in rats
[18:57] Snoots Dwagon: But I will gets rid of ems for cheap!
[18:57] Snoots Dwagon: Only 4 cookies an... okay.. ONE rums
[18:57] Snoots Dwagon: Yups I checks meter. Rats still dere
[18:57] Snoots Dwagon: But I can kills 'em right out
[18:57] Snoots Dwagon: I broght my ratgun
[18:58] Snoots Dwagon: Okies Bryster, wot final judgment?
[18:59] Curious Hazelnut: Bog of Eternal Stench!
[18:59] Bryster Shan: You is guilty as charged.
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: Okies. Pond?
[18:59] Curious Hazelnut: Bog of Eternal Stench!
[18:59] Curious Hazelnut: Bog of Eternal Stench!
[18:59] Curious Hazelnut: Bog of Eternal Stench!
[18:59] Bryster Shan: You try to scam me.
[18:59] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: Me???
[18:59] Bryster Shan: Yups!
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: Wot make you think I bringed ratses in here?
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: Where is pruf?
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: I bringed rat fighting stuffs.
[18:59] Bryster Shan: The fact that they have your name on dem.
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: Dey does nots!
[18:59] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[19:00] Curious Hazelnut: they got collars?
[19:00] Snoots Dwagon: I not see collars
[19:00] Gandalf Farstrider: prima facie evidence that one is
[19:00] Snoots Dwagon: I not see branded in furs
[19:00] Snoots Dwagon: I not see rat tags
[19:00] Bryster Shan: Rat #6 Creator Fillo Farber - Owner Snoots Dwagon
[19:00] Snoots Dwagon: Wot you talking about? I think you beens drinkings too much rums.
[19:00] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[19:01] Snoots Dwagon looks close at rat
[19:02] Snoots Dwagon: I not sees no rat tags
[19:02] Snoots Dwagon: Not a collar
[19:02] Snoots Dwagon: Okay Bryster, I makes you deal. I gets rid of rats for 2 COOKIES
[19:03] Snoots Dwagon: You can't say no to 2 cookie rat deal!
(Bryster Draws a sword and starts chasing Snoots)
[19:03] Snoots Dwagon: !!! run away run away
(Snoots starts jumping over bartops. Somehow no matter where Bryster chases... Snoots is no longer there.)
[19:03] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[19:03] Koni Lanzius: well i guess that concludes the trial
[19:04] Snoots Dwagon: KANGAROO COURT!
[19:04] Bryster Shan hums tune for Mission Impossible
[19:04] Snoots Dwagon eeps
(As Snoots runs from Bryster and flips over counters...)
[19:05] Snoots Dwagon: I getting hired to get rats out?
[19:05] Snoots Dwagon: Only 2 cookies!
[19:05] Snoots Dwagon: Dat pretty good deal
[19:05] Bryster Shan: Not hired. You is scammer!
[19:06] Snoots Dwagon: *mwwahaas* :)~~~~
[19:07] Gandalf Farstrider: good night all.....hope you get your rat problem fixed bryster
[19:07] Bryster Shan: I have to fix an Snoots problem first.
[19:07] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
(Snoots hides underneath Koni's skirt where Bryster can't get to him)
[19:07] Bryster Shan: Cowedly Dwagon hides in ladiesskirts.
[19:08] Snoots Dwagon polishes boots
[19:08] Koni Lanzius: awww
[19:09] Snoots Dwagon: RATBUSTERS to da rescue!
[19:09] Snoots Dwagon: ONE cookie?
[19:09] Bryster Shan: No wonder eberbody goes home. Too many rats.
[19:09] Bryster Shan: And one scam merchant
[19:10] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[19:10] Snoots Dwagon: Okies I kills rats for 1 cookie
[19:10] Snoots Dwagon: anna rum
[19:10] Bryster Shan: Not paying. Getting health and safety bigwig to come and bust you.
[19:10] Snoots Dwagon: Comes on! One cookie! One lousy cookie!
[19:11] Bryster Shan: You got no license for dat machine either.
[19:11] Snoots Dwagon: It only a portable backpack nuclear accelerator
[19:11] Snoots Dwagon: Great for zappings rats
[19:11] Snoots Dwagon: I hired?
[19:11] Bryster Shan: You couldn't hit a barn door with that thing.
[19:11] Snoots Dwagon: I could! I good shot!
[19:12] Bryster Shan: couldn't
[19:12] Snoots Dwagon: CAN!
[19:12] Bryster Shan: CAN'T!
[19:12] Snoots Dwagon: I show you!
[19:12] Koni Lanzius: hehe
(Snoots sets off several volleys which vaporize the rats entirely... not hide nor hair left)
[19:12] Snoots Dwagon: Dere, see, got all 3 rats!
[19:12] Bryster Shan: Oh so I was wrong.
[19:12] Snoots Dwagon: Dey vapor... oh wait.. .. HEY!
[19:12] Bryster Shan: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
[19:12] Snoots Dwagon: Uh....
[19:13] Snoots Dwagon: Can I still habs a cookie?
[19:13] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
----
COMMENTS
Comment by Oona Sharple on May 18, 2010 at 3:25pm
Hahaha ! Umm..Oona thinks ya innocents Snoots :) heee So,wut pond dey talks about? Da one wif da really scary fishie in it?
Oona so scared of dat fishie ! Once Oona hads really bad lag day and fell into pond and sees dat fishie ! Oona totally freakeds out and toodles in dat pond fer like ferever ! Couldn't get out ! And Oona very scared,in RL even ! Oona hads to port out of pond to get out....
Dat one nasty fishie..Hopes ya not has to be dunked in dat pond..
Comment by Wayfinder Wishbringer on May 18, 2010 at 4:17pm
I wondered why that pond looked a little more yellow than normal one day. Now I know..
Comment by Oona Sharple on May 18, 2010 at 4:21pm
Wut ya means yellow? Oona not pee pees in it,if dat wut ya thinks...But Oona almost pee pees in da pants in RL tho..Dat fishie really scary,Wayfinder..
Oona no likee dat fishie..Oona stays far away from dat pond..
Comment by Zauber Paracelsus on May 19, 2010 at 9:12am
Never a dull moment at the tavern, eh?
Comment by Butterpaw Bravin on May 20, 2010 at 3:47pm
awww see whats I misses on da day I can't come? sigh...
Dat a very exciting advenchure, but Bryster WRONG! Dwagons is ALWAYS innocent!
Comment by Hecatya Idimmu on May 22, 2010 at 3:25pm
From what i see from outside dwagon Snoots is indeed always inocent, but what i like the most at him is that he has no fear, he is very brave.
Thank you Snoots for sharing DA AWFUL RAT INVASION.
[Note: You can view photos of the Ork War starting here: http://goo.gl/gDgNa (be sure to read the captions. ;D)
ORK WAR III -- Orks vs Eberbody!!!
The day started out peaceful, the weather beautiful. It was pretty much like any normal day on ElvenMyst... except that almost all the regular builds were gone and had been replaced by Ork and Elven battle fortresses.
The Ork Fortress contained numerous heavy walls, pointy stakes and skeletons, as would be expected. The Elven Fortress contained tall towers, beautifully designed architecture, and of course signs taunting the Orks. (There were no dwagon pawprints found on the signs, but we have our suspicions.)
WHY AN ORK WAR?
Orks. Empty sim. Final day of Elf Clan on Second Life. That's all the reason needed.
IT BEGINS
The war started out simply enough: Orks on one side, Elven, dwagons, pixies and tinies on the other. An Ork shot an arrow. A tiny shot a nuclear guided missile. What can ya say?
From that moment forward anyone entering the sim experienced three hours of total mayhem. Ignore the fact this was intended to be a fantasy-based war. At the very entrance of the Elf Clan Floating Castle someone (not saying who) put two boxes full of free weapons for the taking. Those boxes included everything anyone would need or want... ranging from swords to pies to toilet paper to... well, the aforementioned nuclear guided missile launcher. No one came into this expecting a fair fight.
THE ORKS FIGHT FAIR
Well, no one except the Orks, that is. The Orks had been working for weeks on their battle fortress and it showed. Let's give creds: their setup rocked. From their authentic and ancient spiked-wood and stone battle walls, to their physics-enabled stone-blocked gate (boy, was that turkey hard to take down), to their ambush weapons set up just inside the gate... they were ready. Those weapons included:
* A log dead-fall
* An auto-firing lance launcher
* Chuina up by the gate with an enchanted entrapment archery system ... and their surprise weapon, a huge Ork Battle Dragon (supplied by Flea Bussy), which was just amazingly awesome. The Ork avatars were largely the work of Flea as well (with a couple of exceptions). We loves ya Flea! Grendels rocks!
In short, the Ork encampment was just incredibly awesome. It was properly orkish, it was fantasy based (well, except for the Space Ork weaponry they brought in later when things went nutz) and it was extremely well done. They get the prize for sheer building and preparation genius.
THE OTHER SIDE
While the Orks had spent weeks planning, building and authenticating, the other side consisting of a small handful of Elven and the rest being dwagons, pixies and tinies... well, the situation was a bit different.
They showed up the day of the war, spent about 30 minutes rezzing numerous Elven buildings and fortifications we'd gathered over the past seven years, and threw up some signs we'd made just that morning. The Orks did not find that humorous at all, bemoaning all their hard work that was almost instantly counteracted by dwagons and pixies who realized that hey, it's all gonna be pretty much torched over the next hour anyway, so why bother?
Nevertheless, despite its last-minute nature the Elven encampment did look fine, consisting of an Elven twin-tower mansion, a Steampunk building, and an ancient Inn build from a member on the Ork side (Mean Golem) that he'd forgotten he'd even given us in the first place... and left him with the unenviable task of having to torch his own building (snicker snicker). There was also the original 600 foot tall Elf Clan Castle, all 20 stories of it in splendid hugeness, sporting slogans that were somewhat uh... Ork-bigoted. (What, Orks don't really take knitting classes? My bad!)
THE WAR BEGINS
No one is quite exactly sure what happened next, because well, it pretty much went from 0 to 120 in 1.2 seconds. From my viewpoint, Ork Chuina shot a pixie with a magical arrow that caged her in a crystal globe. Someone standing by her responded with a nuke against the Ork stone blockade (which didn't budge an inch). From that point on, it was hard to tell what was happening in all the smoke, fire, screaming, mayhem, bombs, arrows, magic spells, particles and war taunts flying between the two encampments.
THE FIRST SURPRISE ASSAULT
The first thing no one expected was a certain dwagon showing up in steroid form (namely, about 50 ft tall... almost as tall as the huge wall the Orks had built). Imagine a gigantic dwagon stomping across the countryside and up to the main gate.
Snoots tried to take that blockade down. Despite the huge size (which was considerable)... the blockade held. The Orks had made it physical so it could be knocked over with enough power... but those were big, heavy stones and they had built it right. It budged... I think 1/2 a micron, but not much more. No matter how hard the mega-dwagon pushed the wall didn't move.
THE SECOND SURPRISE ASSAULT
The Orks had built their wall well, but they'd failed to take into account two things:
1. A river ran through the East side of their encampment... and tiny critters can swim pretty well
2. Despite their huge, giant, spike-tipped walls... uh... pixies and dwagons can fly (which ability the Orks kindly referred to as "lame cheating").
But fair is fair, and it was established via sim announcement at the beginning of the game that participants could only fly if their avatar allowed flight. That meant Orks were ground-bound and pixies and dwagons... not so much. (That was until later, when the Orks brought out their hidden Space Ork equipment such as jetpacks and airplanes, but that's later on in the story).
It didn't take very long for the pixies to storm the castle as they zoomed over the walls without effort... nor for the tinies to swim in via the conveniently located river. Soon the Orks were fighting inside their walls while the outside area was still being stormed by the Elven, who didn't want to go swimming and could not fly. (Tines of course, didn't mind wet fur at all.)
Having given up on trying to knock down that [expletive withheld] stonewall gate, the mega-dwgon flew up to the top of the wall where Chuina was taking archery potshots at everyone. He was sporting a terrific enchanted bow... but it doesn't do much good to try to encase a 50 ft dwagon inside a 5 ft crystal ball. It just doesn't work.
One thing we can say for the Orks: they role play very well. Chuina, seeing Snoots stomp toward him and into him, in a very manly Ork voice shouted "Ouchie!" and dove off the wall for safer ground, after which Snoots spent the next couple of minutes proudly walking back and forth along the top of the wall to emphasize the point that a 50-ft, 30 ton dwagon was more than a match for a 7-ft Ork. No one was surprised on that point. (Score 2 for the Orks: role playing).
Meanwhile, down inside the fortress the Orks were holding their own against an onslaught of tinies and pixies. Their main defenses having proved totally useless, they fell back to standard melee weapons. Huge arrows and lances were launched, boulders were thrown, and sword and axes smashed (that lance launcher was pretty awesome). Chuina was extremely effective with his archery system... more than anyone expected. He regularly incapacitated his opponents for 60 seconds (which is how long it took the crystal cages to self-destruct), leaving them frustratedly trying to move but failing. (It was not honorable to exit the cages illegally. Fair is fair. The players admirably submitted.)
Mean Golem, Zekeen and Ratien were running around with great gusto, trying to kick and pound creatures far smaller than themselves. However, said creatures are also well known for being very fast and elusive ankle-biters. The battle was evenly matched.
THE STONE BLOCKADE GIVES WAY
About that time someone on the Elven side discovered a device known as a "Happy Cat Gun". Anyone who has ever used a Happy Cat Gun knows one thing about it: when it comes to physics, it rules the day. The gun was aimed at the stone blockade in the main doorway, the trigger was pulled, and the stones vanished in a rain of grinning cat cubes. They could have been made of butter for all that gun cared as it took out huge cubes of solid granite as if they were tissue. The Ork blockade was down, their entire fortress now open to full Elven invasion.
And invade they did. The Elven side rushed through the now wide open gate and swarmed over the Orks. At a ratio of about 7 to 20... the Orks were in trouble. They're valiant fighters, but seriously, it was as if someone had opened the insanity valve at Arkham Assylum as the remainder of tinies and Elven came pouring through the now-wide-open gates.
THE ORKS PULL THEIR SECRET WEAPON
But the Orks were not without their backup plan. Ork Bussy called a special enchantment and suddenly a gigantic battle lizard appeared in the main gate, all but blocking easy access. Standing there ready to gobble down anyone who tried to pass beneath its immense legs, it instantly changed the flow of battle. Suddenly the Elven side had to battle not only the Orks, but defeat a humongous battle lizard as well!!!
(Actually, the battle lizard just kinda stood there, but the dictates of role playing insisted we attack it... as well as the dictates of tinies battle which read something like "Da bigger it is... da funner it falls". So although the "battle lizard" was mainly a prop-- it was properly attacked with full intent as if it were an active character. Score +1 for Elf-side role playing).
The lizard was attacked with fire spells, nukes, enchanted bombs, you name it. While they were doing that, a dwagon started flying over the Ork encampment and breathing fire over any building in sight. The sight of a hundred tiny fires all over the Ork camp was very satisfying.
In the meantime however, with everyone thus distracted, the Orks took the opportunity to slip through the Elven ranks and head toward their main goal: the Elven Castles. All three of them. Before you could say, "Hey, where did the Orks go?"... the castles were in flames. Not tiny flames, humongous flames.
See, in eagerness to set the Ork camp on fire, the Elves had forgotten one primary stratagem: when it comes to fire, Orks rule. And when it comes to Orks and fire, Mean Golem rules.
Again, we have to give creds. They didn't use wimpy fire spells and particles and such. They used one of the oldest, simplest, most-effective builds on the entire grid: fuero fire. Three prims. These are easy-to-rez, impressive to see, and what with the new Linden Lab 64m prim allowance... they could be stretched to huge size (thankyewverymuch LL). Before we knew it, the entire Elven encampment was on fire. Smokey the Bear had a coronary.
CALLS FOR THE FIRE BRIGADE
Dwagons have both fire and WATER breath, so Snoots flew to the castles and started putting out fires. But fair is fair: at least 15 seconds had to be spent on each fire before it could be put out (by returning it to the owner)... and there were dozens of fires (Mean Golem... you pyromaniac!). So we called to all dwagons to come help put out fires.
That's when we learned there was the only dragon on the entire sim, and no one else had water spells.
Snoots managed to put out two castle fires and was patting himself nicely on his little scaley back... when it was suddenly realized that while he was putting out fires... Orks were just re-setting them again. It was obviously a losing battle. This left the Elves with only one choice: forget the fires and take out the Orks.
ORKS IS TOUGH!!!
That however, is easier said than done, because if there is one thing that's true about Orks: they are durn near impossible to defeat. They're big, they're strong, they have almost limitless energy (in fact, their energy increases magically the more they fight), and they actually enjoy stomping tiny creatures with big watery eyes.
For the next hour it was pretty much hand-to-hand combat (well, hand to hand, nuke-to-hand, major weapons, bullets, huge boulders, you name it). The war turned into pure carnage as 7 Orks fought off more than 20 opponents. The sides were pretty evenly matched because, well, unlike the first Ork-Elf war we had in Elf Clan, in this war we had tinies, and those tinies had guns. If there's one thing tinies know how to do, it's use extensive weaponry of mass-destruction. And toilet paper throwers.
That doesn't even bring into account the cages, the push-weapons and of course, the dreaded PIE weapons. Banana cream littered the countryside as Ork after Ork was pied repeatedly. It didn't really stop them, but it did play havok with Chuina trying to aim his bow through floating cream particles.
THE NEXT SECRET WEAPON
Just as it looked as if the battle had been fought to a stalemate, the Elven side pulled out its last secret weapon: more tinies.
See, the tinies had their own event that didn't end until 2 hours into the Ork War. After that event was over, they could not resist joining in the Ork war. So while the Orks had been already fighting for 2 hours... suddenly the Elven had a whole slew of tinies appear out of nowhere. Those tinies took one look at what was going on, and almost of one mind a single thought went through their little collective brains: "BIG BADDA BOOMS!!!"
One could almost feel sorry for the Orks as tinies poured down the hillsides, all of them armed with weapons only tinies can conceive. A scene of mere carnage suddenly turned into a landscape of awesome destructiveness. The Orks were in trouble.
THE LAST SECRET WEAPON
However, the Orks had held back their last secret weapon for just such an occasion. Realizing the tinies had started the war off with nukes... the Orks pulled out their secret stash of Space Ork weapons (which they'd procured from the year 40,000... long story that) and suddenly they had jetpacks and strafer planes at the ready.
One of the elven (Cleome Jewell) went down and stayed down, her poor, beaten body the first casualty of the war (someone actually took time to bury her... as the grave marker clearly pronounced). RaptonX rained down death from the skies as he zoomed around in his jetpack.
Then out of nowhere came the Ork Boss himself, Schlitzie Martini, in an Ork Killa Kan... a huge dreadnought of significant damage, stomping tinies right and left, bombing them and reaping destruction down upon them. One tiny driving around his Camaro (don't ask me. Tinies defy the laws of space-time)... suddenly found his car underneath the huge Killa Kan and being stomped to oblivion. Everyone could hear his tiny voice yelling at the top of his little lungs: "You jerk! I just had this waxed and detailed!!!"
THE WAR COMES TO AN END
While the tinies and Schlitzie were fresh, the rest of the Orks, well, they'd been fighting a while against overwhelming odds. Koni, the gorgeous female Ork, had stopped fighting tinies and had become a voluntary moving target while she ran around snapping photos for the archives. Chuina, Zek, Ratien and Mean were still going, but Mean Golem IMed me and said, "Dude, can we bring this to a close? We're getting tired." Mwahahhaaha.
Orks may be powerful, but tinies will overcome with sheer energy every time.
So it was requested a decision be made as to who had won the war. We looked at both encampments, the amount of damage done, who had best stuck to their roles, who had fought with the most authentic weapons, and who had best achieved their goals. It was agreed the Orks won on all counts... but it was the last one that was the real kicker. Because this war, totally lacking a goal of any kind, the goal became to wreck as much destruction as possible. When it comes to that... well, Orks had it hands down.
With just 7 Orks against more than 20 opponents, they had managed to set all the Elven buildings on fire, had held their own against their opponents, and even at the end with fresh Elven troops on the scene (in the form of tinies), the Orks still pulled one more trick out of their hats (their futuristic armada, which was totally legal considering the pixies had been blasting them with nuclear bazookas since the first round).
So yes, fair is fair and DA ORKS WINNED! Of course, we'd been expecting that from the start. Orks always win.
THE TINIES CALL FOR A REMATCH
Now mind you, just because it was judged the Orks won doesn't mean that was the final say. Some Elven had changed avatars and were now dressed as Orks, Koni and Zekeen were still running around, and Schlitzie (who got to the war fairly late) was still fresh.
The tinies, having come newly to the war, hadn't had anywhere near their fill of mayhem. So strongly disagreeing with the concept the Orks had won against the Tinies, they proceeded to prove the opposite as a hoarde of them swarmed us with brand new weapons and pretty much stomped the remaining Orks into the ground, just to make a point. The Orks came to agree that when it comes to a handful of Orks against a herd of tinies.... Orks pretty much became living, walking targets.
So the tinies proceeded to beat us soundly about the head and arms for the next 30 minutes or so as we martyred ourselves for the glory of tiny fun. I have to say, they were ready too. Between Steampunk Missiles and a sword that impressed the dickens out of me (sent me flying more than a few times), tinies blasting us from all sides-- and not to mention those who enjoyed simply ankle-biting us (ie, pushing us off a hill or platform), the Orks were pretty much wasted from that point on. We held our own, but it was a hopeless fight. To be honest, against a sufficient number of tinies with a sufficient number of insane weapons, there is no hope of success.
THE END OF ELVENMYST, SL
Still, since the main war lasted two hours and the victory declared, anything thereafter was for the sheer fun of it.
When it came down to the end of hour three, everyone had thoroughly enjoyed themselves. The war was followed by a fine last-minute fireworks show by Chuina Asturia, the tinies joining us in mourning the loss of ElvenMyst after 7 years of Elf Clan being on the Second Life grid.
There was river dancing aplenty as the event came to a close. The comments we received then (and in IMs thereafter) indicated everyone had a great time. The tinies, who rarely have a chance to attend such total mayhem, thoroughly enjoyed themselves.
One university instructor who attended as a guest-- and who had never seen such a thing before-- was thoroughly delighted and fully enjoyed herself. We received IMs from people telling us how much they enjoyed the way we decided to shut down ElvenMyst (namely, in a major no-holds-barred free-for-all that pretty much destroyed the entire sim). The Orks commented how much they enjoyed it, how much they appreciated finally being able to set everything in ElvenMyst on fire (which of course they'd been wanting to do for years). A fun time was had by all.
--o--
Addendum: Of course, Elf Clan now exists on OSgrid, where we house 100 regions on our own servers (http://Osgrid.org. Download the FirestormOS Viewer, register, log in and visit ElvenSong). We invite everyone to join us there in our expanded mega-islands kingdom. Thanks to all of you who helped make our last day on Second Life so enjoyable... and thanks to the Tinies of Raglan Shire for enthusiastically joining us in our final SL event. : )
I also wish to personally thank the WAAAGH!... our ancient-friends Ork group, who worked so hard to make the war so incredible. The years just would not have been the same without their unique take on Ork lore. You all were great.
Saturday June 16 at 1pm, the smallest an baddest of the two groups Elf Clan and Raglan Shire got together to battles it out on the field of Tiny Soccer. And boy wot a game it was!
PREGAME
Elf Clan pulled the first surprise move by all taking on the form of tinies. Raglan clearly thought they were going to be taking on biggies... which gives them a decided advantage since tinies are closer to the ball. But Elf Clan came not as Elves and Orcs... but as dwagons, ferrets wabbits and other assorted critters, ready to looks Raglan players right in da snoot.
We started da event off right by stealing Raglan swag right offa bat. Dat right, in da best tradition of the Rabid Elves... we hit their swag boxes an stole tooty horns an flags an all da loot we could, replacing their flags with ours and sniping their gestures. Hooo.... Pink Piracy at its best!
Not that we came empty handed. We had our own hand-made soccer uniforms, flags, pom poms and full cheerleader outfits. Elf Clan came to this game ready to rumble. But as player Koni said later, we "thought we was gonna get our tails stomped."
I mean after all, let's be realistic. We was taking on Raglan Shire, da baddest of da bad when it comes to soccer. These folks beat Caledon hands down last year, with both sides not cheating even once. Totally honorable game. Caledon crawled away from that with bite and claw marks all over their ankles. No, we didn't underestimate Raglan Shire one bit. We was there to win, but expecting to get wiped all over da field.
Howeber, dat not wot happened. Wot happened was what is undeniably da very best game I have ever seen on Second Life, ever, this side of the Orc Elf war!
THE RABID ELVES... THE ELF CLAN TEAM. A FINER BUNCH OF TEAM MATES YOU'LL NEVER SEE.
SUPPORT FOLKS
First let's thank da two main supports people. Steve was da ref, and did a respectable good job considering he was da ONLY ref (we really needed about 4). No, we not mean da Great Tree Steve, we mean Steve da tiny. The entire game was live-action monitored by DJ Escape Unplugged, in what has got to be the most biased, prejudiced, illegal-offside sports broadcast ever, highy supportive of Raglan Shire and moaning/weeping ever time Elf Clan scored a point. It was great, cos we said dat wot would happen! From da pre-game interview to da final score, the announcer was heavily pro-Raglan an properly non-home-team demoralizin. We would expects nuthin less, cos we know he scared. Mwaaahahahah...
DA FIRST HALF
Game got off to shaky start when the Tiny Terrors started out da kick even though the Rabid Elves won da coin toss. But Elf Clan took it all in good humor. We unnerstands bites to da backside if ya get a chance. mwahahahaha... After all, it a tiny game, we all was excited, da start-up was dragging on and finally a tiny just KICKED IT! Da moment dat happen we all jumped in and hooo it was on.
Raglan made first score. Dat pretty demoralizin, cos it first blood. But Elf Clan turn right around an before Raglan even knowed wot hitted 'em, we made a score and we was tied, 1-1. Our moralizin was back an we was ready to rumble. After dat, Raglan payin' attenshun!
TINY TERRORS-- THE RAGLAN SHIRE TEAM. SCURVY-LOOKIN LOT. THEM FERRETS WAS LOW TO THE GROUND AND LIKE BULLDOZERS... THEY'D GO RIGHT UNDER YA AND THROW YA TO THE BLEACHERS.
Our first goalie was Osprey Therian, who filled in last minute wifout practice cos... as usually... ELF CLAN WAS LATE! (Silly Elves. Tsk). Osprey did great job; if not for her, Raglan woulda scored lots more than they did. Zephyre was also last-minute fill-in player, and he did great job-- especially considering he'd had no practice. Maxwell, Koni, Kylinn and I was on da front line and it was score for score tussles I can tells ya! By the end of the first half, the score was 2-3 with Raglan ahead.
HALF TIME
After a very brief half-time during which Raglan DID NOT SERVE COOKIES... we got back to the game. By this time our practiced late-arriving team was online, and we traded out spots. Osprey and Zephyre both moved to cheerleading and Shade and Unique came in. We put Kylinn on goalie and this time, decided to run a defensive line. At first I assigned Shade to defense, but he not heard me an was right up there on offense. I decided to drop back and play defense myself an boy was I glad I did. Koni, Maxwell an Shade proved to be a 3-person sledgehammer on da Raglan offensive line. Hooooo you shoulda seen 'em. I mostly hung back unless I saw the ball go behind the Raglan goal, in which case I came forward and waited for it to come out again to try a sneak-attack goal. Unique played excellent defense and always hung back on our side of the line... which was great cos she saved our hides more than once when the ball zoomed past me toward our end. Translated: I was a defensive forward and sometimes got too far forward cos hooooo it soccer! So I glad Unique was back there to protect da home fort. :D Kylinn did a great job as goalie. I think I saw her twice grab a ankle an bite.
Da lag was just awful. Dat to be expected, mainly cos it's Second Life and coded like a donkey's intestine... but also cos we maxxed out da sim with 59 people!!! (Which is probably one of the reasons more Elf Clanner's weren't there. They waited until the last minute to port in... and SIM FULL!)
During the game one of Raglan side crashed, so we called a TIME OUT while he relogged. Was only da right thing to do.
We pretty much traded goals with Raglan back and forth... but finally got the upper hand and had our score 6-5 (Elf Clan) coming down to the end of the second half, with 2 minutes on the clock. Boy, dat was tense, cos Raglan knowed we ahead one point and dey stepped up da pace. It was all we could do to defend. That whole 2 minutes seemed like the ball was always on our end. Raglan tried wif all their might-- but we held da wall. Finally, the buzzer sounded and the game ended: score ELF CLAN 6, RAGLAN SHIRE 5. Hooooooo!
There was dancing and applausing and Raglan Shire was very good sports and everbody having fun. But den I heared a comment off to da side and I asked da ref about it:
"Someone says one of the goals we made was when other player was crashed, without anyone knowing he had crashed. Is that true?" Sadly, ref answered "Yes, it true. But we didn't see it in time."
We is Elf Clan. Our first code in da charter is HONOR... an we can't "win" when other side was down one man and dere any question about score being fair. So I quick IMed other players an we talked. Dere was discussion, but in da end we agreed it was only fair to declare a draw. So we announced decision to ref: the final score should be a TIE... with no rematch or tiebreaker required. It was da fair thing to do. Raglans very happy and complimented us on sportsmanship. So both sides winned! We fine with that. Best soccer game ever!
BOTH TEAMS AND CHEERLEADERS LINE UP FOR AN AFTER-GAME PHOTO
After da game we taked team photos on both sides and then both teams together. We danced and congratulated but STILL NO COOKIES.
Player Maxwell had just bought new sim and he a DJ... so he invited us all over for after-game dance. It was great. He played wunnerful music (including Puff da Magic Dragon)... and den he handed out TINY MOTORCYCLES he made to eberone dere! (They great motorcycles too.) Hooo was great party!
All in all, it was bestest soccer game I eber seen. Everyone had a great time and the two teams were perfectly matched. We was neck-and-neck da entire game. Anyone who was watching World Cup during our game was at WRONG GAME! Tiny soccer beats World Cup hands down! :D
RAGLAN TEAM: (positions unknown... mainly total chaotics...)
Manannan Amat -- Chief ankle-biter
Awor Blabbermouth -- Tail Puller
Catten Carter -- Fancy Chanter
Seth Direwytch -- One of dem ragamuffins
Bree Himmel -- Polite but a toe nipper
Dagmar Klaar -- Defensive ankle-biter
Cyzicus Mesmeriser -- All over da place
Daveypup Nirpaw -- Offensive Defense
Fox Obviate -- Tacks-in-the-grass placer
Chester Reichmann -- Defensive ball-sitter
Balto Rosca -- Chief nya-nya maker
Iwanta Salamander -- Just total nutz
Shakespear Shamrock -- I dunno but eber time I turn around, HE DERE!
Bribed Ref: Steve Gracemount
Biased Announcer: Escape Unplugged
Great Video: Pyewacket Bellmann
Date: June 20, 2010
Event: Elf Clan vs Raglan Shire Soccer Game
"Greetings!" he says to the owner. "Do you have any rabbits?"
"Oh no," the shop owner says. "I know you dragons. You just plan on eating that rabbit. I would not dream of putting the poor creatures through such a final experience!"
The dragon stops and thinks. "I'd really like a pet. How about a guinea pig?"
"You're not fooling me," the shop owner replies. "You're a dragon. You'll just eat that guinea pig! I could not possibly allow an innocent creature to go through such a terrible ordeal!"
"Uh... chinchilla?" the dragon asks.
"Never!" the shop owner retorts. "Such would be cruel torture for such a beautiful animal!"
"Hamster?"
"Absolutely not!" the owner replies.
"Gerbil?"
"I shall not!" cries out the shop owner. "Not if you paid me ten times their worth!"
How do you make a door in virtual worlds? It's not as easy as some may think. So following is step-by-step guide of how to add a door to your virtual home.
You will need several things:
* Doorknob
* Virtual door (any style)
* A building to link it to
* A scientific calculator
Here are the steps involved:
* Rez the house
* Place the virtual door in the proper position.
* Rez the doorknob and put into place
* Add a door script to your door... you know, the one your friend gave you that looks like it was written by a drunk math student.
* Link the door to the house.
* Link the doorknob to the door.
* Realize the door became unlinked when you linked the doorknob.
* Select doorknob, door and house and link all three.
* Suddenly realize everything in your build became unlinked all at once.
* Zoom back, drag-select your entire build and re-link it
* Discover that in selecting the home you also selected all the trees, bushes, rocks, sidewalks, automobiles and sundry items surrounding it, including your neighbor's house as well.
* De-select everything, carefully select the door and all the parts of the house, one by one, and link them back together.
* Realize on testing that you accidentally linked the door last and now when you touch the door the entire house rotates.
* UNLINK the door, re-select it, select the house last, re-link everything.
* Test door. It opens. Unfortunately instead of opening 90 degrees it rotates 180 degrees and gets lost in the wall.
* Do some tricky camera work to locate the now-invisible door, pull it out of the wall, place it back in proper position.
* Use scientific calculator to determine eular-to-radian-to-quaternion-to whatever conversions to get proper rotation.
* Mod the script to the best of your ability so the door opens only 90 degrees.
* Save the script and test the door.
* Notice it now rotates upwards instead of sideways.
* Manually position door back in place, go over the script again, realize you accidentally changed the Y axis instead of the Z axis, try to remember the prior settings, re-set the parameters, save script.
* Touch door. To your delight find it works perfectly. However, doorknob stays right where it is, floating in the middle of the doorway.
* Discard separate doorknob idea and use Gimp to add a doorknob representation to the door texture.
* Test door. It works. Congratulate yourself.
Total time to make simple door that opens and closes: 2.5 hours.
Satisfaction in a job well-done: Considerable... until time to add the back door.
Note: prepare to grit our teeth every time a friend points out that you did your doors the hard way.
TINIES for BIGGIES
You ever wonder what a tiny is? What about a Dinkie or a Wee? Here's what.
TECHNICAL DEFINITION Tiny, Dinkie, Wee and Teenies are terms used for small avatars in virtual worlds, usually thigh-high or smaller.
Tinies were originally invented by Wynx Whiplash and Kage Seraph. Since that time, many other creators have emerged on the scene.
Tinies are made from distorting normal avatars (bending arms and legs at 180 degrees, folding the body upon itself) and covering the result with prims.
A typical concept of tinies is "cute overload"... the cuter, the better. Their primary disadvantage is that because of their special shape and size they can't use most normal animations and furniture. The fix: there is a ton of tiny-specific items created by tiny builders and merchants. Several tons.
Dinkies came later when creator Etheria Parrott figured out a way to mesh-shrink bodies smaller than normal. In general Dinkies are a bit smaller than Tinies. The advantage of Dinkies is that they can use most animations and furniture intended for full-size avatars, items that tinies can't use. The downside is they aren't compatible with the huge available assortment of tiny-animated gear. These days many items are being created to automatically adapt to tinies and dinkies both.
Wees refers to all classifications of tiny avatars, including Tinies, Dinkies, Dwagons, Ferrets, Mechs, Bladencats and other genres of small avs. Wees as a term was created on the (now defunct) Inworldz platform, since Tinies as a term generally refers to the Wynx-concept "distorted and bent" version of small avatars. Wees include everything small. But the term Tinies has been long used to refer to all small avatars, no matter how they are formed, so the terms are largely interchangable. Wynx is very generous about letting the term "tinies" be widely adopted to include all smalls. ("Who you callin' small? Someone lookin' for a anklebite!")
Teenies and Micros refers to very small avatars such as pixies, mice and other avatars that are so very small they can be difficult to see without zooming in on them.
TYPES OF TINIES
There are many different kinds of tinies. While tinies usually have fur or scales and are typically animal in nature, there are other forms such as fantasy creatures (dwagons, orkies, hatchies, elementals and more) as well as sci-fi tinies (mechs, blobs, whatever various form). There are even tiny ROCK avatars.
Some avatars are available in multiple types. For example, Dwagons started out as Tinies, but then an officially-licensed Dinkie version was produced. Both versions of Dwagon are still available.
Tines can range from baby animals (hippos, dragons, rhinos and other creatures that when full grown are definitely not tiny) to full grown critters (rabbits, mice, rats, possums, dogs, cats, ferrets, porcupines and more). You name it... there's probably a related "tiny".
WYNX TINIES are the originals. Kudos to Wynx Whiplash and Kage Seraph for creating an entire genre! Tinies are widely available on Second Life and some other grids in a large variety of species.
DWAGONS were created by Snoots Dwagon. Baby dragons, immortal and nearly impervious to physical damage (and thus fearless), Dwagons play in fire, ignore weather and temperature, and love cookies. You can read a few Dwagon stories here on this blogsite (all of them are "true stories"). A Dwagon MegaHUD is available that performs all kinds of gestures and sounds and allows changing of textures and colors automatically. Dwagons are available on Second Life at Cathedral Market, Tiny Inc., or by contacting Eren Padar. Dwagons are also available on Kitely grid and Kitely Market under the creator name Snoots Dwagon.
DINKIES (discussed prior) are a new breed created by Etheria Parrott. Dinkies are tiny-size but move like biggies; they don't require body distortion.
TEENIES are even smaller than tinies or dinkies and are often used for pixie and faerie avatars. Although they're small, Teenies are usually not really "tinies" in nature... but can be if the user so desires. Teenies tend to not have the tiny "attitude"... unless of course they have pixie attitude, which challenges tinies on the unpredictable scale. (Note: not all pixies are teenies; some are simply normal avatars reduced to smallest possible size. Teenies are usually about 1 to 1.5 ft tall.)
WHY TINIES?
Look at the world around us. Consider the crime, violence, wars, bigotry, injustice, sickness, old age, death and numerous other problems. Then consider a world in which everyone is friendly, ageless, happy and on the perpetual prowl for food and fun. There are no "grown ups". Drama and attitude simply have no place-- and being nutz is a good thing. That's "why tinies". :)
Not that tinies don't have attitude. BOY do they have attitude. But it's the fun kind. Tinies are perfect, you know, in every way. And they're smarter than biggies. LOTS smarter. Why? Well for one thing, Tinies don't destroy the planet on which they live.
One thing I like about tinies: they tend to forgive and forget. Even when someone gets out of sorts (which happens with everyone time to time), soon it's just one big fambly again. That is just so very nice. Wishes everbody was tinies.
TINIES AND CLOTHING
It is totally ok for a tiny to go "nakee". Tinies sometimes "streak" biggie places with no one realizing they're doing so. It is not unusual to see a tiny at a party squeek out "I nakee!"-- and someone else respond "Me too!".
But most tinies prefer to wear clothing. Wearing any clothing at all means a tiny is not "nakee". If a tiny is wearing a hat, a tie, shoes or gloves (even if one glove)... they are not "nakee". Can't be nakee if wearing clothes, right?
Some tinies go all out, wearing all manner of clothing and even hair, eyelashes, lipstick and bling. It's totally according to the taste of the user. All types of clothing are acceptable.
TINIES LUV FOOD
You get tinies chatting for very long at all (more than one minute, often less), and soon food will be mentioned.
WAFFLES top the list. No one knows why it is that tinies glommed on to waffles, but they is nahm nahm nahm.
COOKIES come in a close second, just above pie, ice cream and cake. Actually, some tinies like pie better than cookies, but it's hard to carry pie in pockets.
Then comes pancakes, french toast, pizza, lasagna... and just food in general.
Oddly enough, while it would seem tinies would just love candy... candy doesn't make for round tiny tummies. The one exception of course, is CHOCOLATE. To a tiny, chocolate is like the holy grail. The sight of it puts them in temporary "deer in the headlights" stupor as they contemplate how great and wunnerful chocolate is. In truth, chocolate rates even above waffles, but again, it doesn't make for full tiny tummies. It's a treat, tinies know it, and they prefer to indulge in private when no one is watching... mainly because pulling out chocolate in public is a guaranteed instant fur-pile.
PLAYING IN FOOD
If it's a chocolate fountain, all bets are off and diving head-first is totally acceptable behavior. Hot chocolate is warm on da hiney butt and sitting on a chocolate cake, while not exactly appropriate behavior, is totally understandable. Same goes for warm pizza, hot brownies from the oven and freshly baked pie. Sitting before eating is totally normal. (After all, tinies is very clean). Besides, it often assures that biggies will gives us da WHOLE pie for ourselves.
It is rumored this practice of "food sitting" was started by Dwagons, but they claim there is no proof of this. Photos can be edited and so do not provide absolute proof. Hineybutt prints are not traceable.
TINY TALK and DWAGON SPEAK
Many people are of the impression that tinies talk "baby talk"... a misconception. In truth, tinies make effort to not talk in baby speech. Many tinies speak in totally normal grammar. Other tinies speak in "tiny talk" or "dwagon speak".
Tiny talk and dwagon speak are closely related and over time have largely intermixed (tinies tend to imitate one another). Tiny talk minimalizes words and grammar. Dwagon speak uses similar choppped english but often replaces "th" with "d" ("da" instead of "the" and "dere" instead of "there"), tends to add "s" to the ends of wordses, has a flavor of "Chicago neighborhood" in sound, and an underlying current of intelligent insanity. Dwagons almost always speaks in dwagon speak; it part of da assumed persona and attitudes.
An example of typical tiny/dwagon speech:
Hey, you goin to da party?
Yup yup yup. It look like fun.
I not be dere. I gotta works. (cwies)
Awwwww...
Awwwww...
Awwwww...
I hear dere is gonna be pie. Is dere pie? I just LUVS pie!
Dere pie. I checked. I eated one.
You eated a pie? How many you leaved?
Elebenty.
Oh, dat lots den.
Yesh.
Dey gots cookies?
No cookies.
Nuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!
I kidding. Dere cookies.
Whew. I thinked someone was NUTZ!
Actual tiny talk is an art form that improves with use. One does not have to speak in tiny talk at all; it's totally a personal choice.
Dwagons claim dwagon speak is a far superior language, and that humans do not speak Dwagon because they don't have two brains like Dwagons do.
GESTURES AND SOUNDS
A typical conversation between tinies includes not only their chopped speech, but also sounds, gestures and animations. Following are examples.
Weeeeeee! (tiny jumps and does a backflip. An expression of fun or excitement.)
Nahm nahm nahm (an expression of something very tasty)
Hoooooo! (yet again a backflip. An expression of great approval or joy.)
Nuuuuuu! (Cry of regret / escape. Reserved for terrbul things.)
Eeeps! (Shock or fear.)
Jazz paws (applauding for good music)
Mwaahahahaa (insane laughter.)
Laughs lotses (tiny lays on back flapping legs and arms in uncontrollable laughter)
At times Tinies have been seen holding entire conversations in multitudinous gestures. Yes, it's actually possible. There are sooo many Tiny gestures and sounds.
TINIES AND SEX
We not gonna discuss dis. Where da cookies?
In truth, tinies think biggies are kind of goofy when it comes to sexual preoccupation. Sex is for making more tinies, and eberbody knows you can make more tinies just by eating chocolate. Is a fact. Take out a bar of chocolate... suddenly dere is lots more tinies!
If a tiny wants to get up on a table and dance nakee... chances are other tinies will join in and so what?
Biggies so proud of two "boobies". Tinies often have six or eight. What da big deal? Silly biggies.
WHAT TINIES LOVE TO DO
It would be easier to point out what tinies DON'T like to do. But here are a few things:
* Drive cars insanely. Vroom vroom.
* Play Pirates. With ships. An cannons. An rums. (or milk, whicheber).
* Fly spaceships. Play astronaut. Play Star Trek. Play Star Wars. You get the idea.
* Sit on anything... especially if it is moving or rotating. (Fan blades are a special favorite).
Note: while fan blades would be potentially dangerous to most people, tinies apparently come with some kind of natural butt glue that attaches to fan blades no matter how fast they turn. So for a tiny... the faster the better.
* Riverdance. Boy, do tinies riverdance. Usually reserved for the end of major events as massive applause.
* Party. Tinies party. The only rule is "there has to be a good reason". "Hey, anyone wanna come dance? Dere waffles!" is considered a good reason. Standing around in a circle for more than 5 minutes is often considered a party... and quite often turns into one.
* Throw pies and toilet paper rolls. Yes, this does happen from time to time. The great thing about pies of course, is the clean-up afterward.
* Ski, race, joust, surf, parachute, play "thoccer", shoot bows and arrows, broadjump... you name it, if it conceivably might be fun, tinies will jump right in with all four paws and claws.
... and much more that would greatly extend the length of this article (and significantly reduce the lifespan of the average human). Tinies have almost limitless energy and a perpetual case of "Oh... dat sound like fun!"
This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to tinies. The only way to truly understand tinies is to visit tiny areas like Raglan Shire on Second Life, Rascal Flats on DigiWorldz, or Weelandia on DigiWorldz... and see for yourself. Pick up a tiny avatar (one of the free avatars or choose from the multitude of those for sale). It's much more fun that way.
TINY POWER!!!
(riverdances...)
-----------
You can easily locate tinies at these locations (in alphabetical order):
Dinkies at Tiny Inc., RaglanShire, Second Life (the creator of Dinkies)
Dwagons at DragonForge on Cathedral and Weelandia, Second Life
Grendel's Children at Second Life
Rascal Flats or Weelandia at Digiworldz
Wynx Tinies at Extrovirtual on Raglan Shire, Second Life (the original creator of Tinies and the ones that started this snowball)
Once in a while I visits Raglan Shire on SL because dey haz fun events (Raglan Shire is of course the center for Tiny activity in VR). Dey had da GREAT KRAKEN HUNT. There were Krakens (big squid things) flying at 150m in air and attacks you if you up dere wif 'ems. If dey get you, you dies. Fortunately you can uses all kinda weapons against dems.
This weekend's hunt covered two days, each day 3 parts:
1. Pirate pistols. Single shot at a time. Wear you fingers out.
2. Automatic weapons.
3. Anything you got in you arsenal.
In addition to Kraken Hunters dere is da protestors, standing down on da ground. Da first day I was a protestor. Here a photo:
End Kraken Oppreshun
Da second day I decided dere only so much can do walking around wif sign wifout getting bored... so I decided to become Mighty Kraken Hunter. Da Krakens had bited me a couple times da day before, so I figure dey haz it coming.
Da Mighty Kraken Hunter
Yes, is Breech Uzis wif clips, silencers and dual-scopes. Dwagons not mess around.
The first round wif da pirate pistol I scored 3rd place. I pretty good but dem Tinies... dey rock when it come to Kraken hunting. Still, 3rd place not bad considering I not Kraken hunted in years.
Second round was wif my favorite weapons above. Dey packs a whallop and I scored 2nd place wif dems.
The third round I pulled out something with a little more kick...
HappyCat Gun
The above is the famed HappyCat Mini Chaingun. It is one of the most fear-inspiring weapons on any grid. It shoots streams of grinning-cat cubes that are super-physic to da gills. Dere nothing wimpy about da HappyCat Gun. Krakens started falling right and left. End score: me 180 points and 1st place... wif 2nd place coming in at 79. Yeah... krakens was dropping like flies.
Unfortunately, HappyCat guns not too discerning about whether dey take out Krakens or innocent bystanders. In order for contest to be fair, "health" was on and Krakens could kills us just like we could kills dem. But den, so could falling HappyCat ammo and dead Krakens-- which I did nots realize until I later read comments in group chat:
"I just died and I'm standing on the beach."
"I just got killed by falling Krakens."
"It is the way of pirates that you get to keep whatever you kill. That bein' the case... someone gets to keep me."
Yes, dat HappyCat gun rained down destruction da likes of which never seen in Kraken Land. When I went back down to da ground and found I had actually won dat round... I also found some of the beach crowd onlookers had erected domes to protect them from HappyCat ammo and falling squids.*
Afterward we had BBQ calimari. Now dat what I call a fun event. Gotta luvs Raglan Shire. :D
--Snoots
*PS-- I just hopes I not killed any fellow hunters; it hard to tell wif all dat ammo flying eberwhere. Nobody shouted I was shooting dems, so hopefully nots. If I kill any hunters I apologizes; I not used to Kraken hunting... and tinies can go nutz in excitement of game. Next time I be really careful to watch where I shootings; I not even thinked about hitting other hunters until after da battle. Dem Krakens was bad enough. Boy dey nastee.
Someone suggested since I had "protested" da day before maybe I was after hunters and Krakens just got in da way (snickers). Dat not true of course, but I mighta accidentally knocked off one or two hunters wifout meaning to. eeps. Was lotsa different ammos eberwhere from eberone. Not saw any tiny graves later though, so maybe not. Or maybe they thought Krakens got 'em. Who knows... some other hunters mighta knocked off ME! :D
The claim is often made that Dwagons are "cookie thieves". Is this true?
It depends on your point of view: are you the cookie owner or the dwagon? In a dwagon's eyes, in order for it to be a cookie thief the cookie would have to be "not theirs"... which to a dwagon means the cookie is either in someone's hand or mouth, one of the two. If it's in a hand it needs to be no where near a dwagon's mouth or it might be mistaken as an offering. And dwagons have been known to carefully watch a cookie as it approaches someone's mouth-- in case that person changes their mind and decides the dwagon wants it more. (Hope springs eternal.)
All other cookies are fair game so to speak. This includes cookies in pockets because... why would someone put a cookie in a pocket if it wasn't for a dwagon to sniff and find it? To a dwagon, that's just part of the game. As Eldar Wayfinder Wishbringer once wisely said, "Common sense should prevail. If you lay a cookie on a table when a dwagon is around, it ceases being your cookie."
To simplify the matter: dwagon's don't view cookies has having "owners". They either have eaters or non-eaters, and if a cookie isn't being eaten it is obviously waiting for an eater. That's how things are. For a dwagon to "steal" a cookie they would literally have to remove it from between your teeth... and of course they are far too polite to do such a thing.
ON PLAYING GAMES
Dwagon honesty has been additionally challenged when it comes to playing games. But when it comes to games Dwagons consider there are two ways to play: by the rules or abandon all rules. If it's "abandon all rules" then all is fair in luvs and wars (including using Nuclear Rocket Launchers in a fantasy role playing campaign).
However if the game is "by the rules" (such as chess) then a dwagon will play very much by the rules. In such case their are two questions:
1) Is there a rule directing this game move?
2) Is there a rule against this game move?
It is the second question which often causes other people problems when playing games with dwagons.
As an example: when playing chess, a dwagon would easily recognize the ultimate goal of the game is to win. That means keeping one's eyes on the board. If the opponent doesn't keep his/her eyes on the board, then we get to item #2 above: Is there a rule against making a move when your opponent is distracted? Dwagons have thoroughly researched Chess rule books and have been unable to find a place where it says, "You cannot make an extra move if your opponent is distracted." So according to a dwagon, "is legal".
"Oh looka dat, is dat a red-headed woodpecker?" /move "Nebermind. It flied away..." is a perfectly legitimate chess strategy in the dual-mind of a dwagon.
THE DUAL BRAIN ISSUE
As many are already aware, dwagons have two brains (like the dinosaurs, to which they insist they are not related... except for maybe the Tyronosaurus Rex. RAWR). These two brains work in complete harmony, except when they don't.
The larger "hiney brain" (as dwagons call it) handles functional issues such as walking, heartbeat, breathing, etc. It also handles genetic memory, which is part of the dwagon's greatest strengths. Dwagons inherit vast genetic memory from their parents, which means from the moment they're born they can walk, speak, and of course eat cookies. They have a vast storehouse of dwagonny knowledge. Unfortunately however, they do not likewise inherit genetic experience or common sense, so they generally know how to do things but can seldom foresee the consequences of actually doing them.
They also do not inherit a conscience as we know it. They do inherit a kind of conscience, which is basically an either-or situation: will this be fun or not fun? Will it be tasty or bleh? That is pretty much the limit of dwagon choice-making.
As with most young, intelligent species, ethical conscience has to be learned with time. Naturally, once they become adults there are good dragons and bad dragons, depending largely on their parents, environment and experiences. Despite the claims made by some highly inaccurate games, dragon "alignment" does not depend on their color or bodily form-- but rather on whether people have been nice to them or not nice during the 500 years or so it takes them to reach adulthood. It can be understood that dragons often experience no little degree of species profiling as they are growing up... so they tend to grow a bit meaner as they get older unless they have friends to guide them along their way. This is why Elves, Fae, Pixies and Wizards can be good friends for dragons (and vice versa), since they are long-lived and can be a regular good influence.
Fortunately (for just about every other species on the planet) dwagons do inherit basic politeness and playfulness. So at least they start out being friendly and tolerable rather than complete sociopaths. This is of great relief to the aforementioned Elves, Fae, Pixies and Wizards.
But then we get to the other brain... the much smaller but highly-intelligent "noodle brain" (in their head). That brain serves two basic purposes: 1) Eating and 2) Curiosity. Ordinarily this is fine... except when the noodle brain overrides the hiney brain and common sense flies right out the window. This is what causes dwagons to do things other species would think totally insane-- such as riding on ceiling fans or appropriating "rums" from a nearby tavern (again: no one is drinking the rum at the time). Fortunately for them, dwagons are nearly indestructible and can survive most things their noodle brain gets them in to.
That brain is also what causes dwagons to hunt cookies. Their intensely keen sense of smell makes them exceptionally fine cookie hunters, be the cookies in a pocket or an underground cellar. Because of this many shopkeepers have specially locked store rooms where they keep sweets and-- if they know dwagons well-- is also where they store rum kegs and grains for a beverage known as "kawfee". It is not a wise thing to allow dwagons to drink kawfee.
CAN DWAGONS GET DRUNK?
It was mentioned above that dwagons love rums (it's "nahmy"). This begs the question, "Can dwagons get drunk?" In a word, no. Their fiery metabolic insides pretty much vaporize all alcohol as soon as it hits their tummies. Thus to the consternation of pub owners, dwagons can drink an amazing amount of rum.
However, the fumes from the drink as they consume it goes straight to the noodle brain, having the results of 1) Making the dwagon even more curious than normal 2) Making the dwagon a little more hyper than normal and 3) Giving them the desire to be very helpful (or dance, tell jokes and riddles, or ask very strange questions... depending on the circumstance). In the past, their "helpfulness" has caused great upset to pub owners as dwagons have assisted in rearranging bottles behind the bar according to the color of the labels (switching labels if necessary), pour half-left drinks back into kegs after the patrons have gone (waste not... more rums!), or make sure all the carefully-sealed bottles of wine are actually full (by opening them and checking, of course).
But no, dwagons cannot get drunk as we know it and cannot pass out from drinking too much... a fact which some pub owners deeply regret.
These are just a few trivial facts of dwagon life that may be of interest to those who study such things. I doubt any questions above have been answered sufficiently... but perhaps this information will help one be more aware of the thought-processes of dwagons so you can be better prepared for them whenever they decide to visit.
The day was bright and crisp, with just enough chill to make the fans wear cloaks and the players comfy. There was a sense of expectation and wonder in the air as the time drew closer for the beginning of the event everyone had been waiting for: the first ever Orks vs Dwagons & Pixies Footsbrawl game.
If one were to look into the bleachers you would have seen a diverse and enthusiastic crowd. Although there were probably less than 400 people present their forms were as varied as their costume. There were of course the high elven, accompanied by faerie, centaur, dwarves, drow, the occasional hobbit, dragons, humans, and of course the Ork fans.
On the field there were only four races: Orks, Dwagons, Pixies and the Dwarven referees. The surprising difference in size between the players would bring a chuckle. The Orks averaged from 6 to 9 feet tall, ranging from a low of around 250 lbs to the well over 600 lbs of the Ork Big Boss. Their jerseys differed as much as the size of the Orks, representing several Ork Clans. Red, green, yellow, blue... what they lacked in harmony they made up for in flash. For Orks, they were uncharacteristically devoid of spikes and blades. It's not that they didn't show up with such sticking out all over; it's simply that the referees immediately declared lethal armor unnecessary and illegal for a game of Footsbrawl and being Dwarven, set to work making the Ork uniforms significantly less dangerous (accompanied by much groaning and complaining by the Orks).
On the other side stood their opponents. The Pixies topped out at 40 lbs if they were wearing steel armor. Which they were of course; one does not play Footsbrawl against Orks and come totally unprepared. The Pixies' main defense though was not their magically-hardened armor, but the hardened determination and attitude that is a hallmark of their species.
The Dwagons needed no such armor. Averaging 80 lbs they equated to walking sacks of stone with diamond-hard scales. It was well known that Dwagons are nearly impervious physically, are well aware of that fact and therefore fearless.
The Dwagons were sitting near the scrimmage line munching cookies, which came as a surprise to no one. The Pixies were chewing on flower petals to increase their strength for the game that was about to begin. The Orks were busy bashing one another soundly about the head and arms in preparation for what was to come.
What was to come, in the minds of the Orks, was Dwagons and Pixies being kicked unceremoniously to the sidelines while the Orks made goal after goal. That was the plan.
THE GAME BEGINS
There was a sudden roar in the stands as the announcer declared the game had officially started. The referee called the players to the line of scrimmage and asked the Orks to call the toss. A rather large Ork stepped forward, shouted "TAILS!" and ignoring both referee and coin, picked up a Dwagon and threw it up in the air. A gleeful cry of "Wheeeeeeeee!" carried across the field. The Dwagon landed on its head and stayed there upside down, blinking, waiting for the official call.
"TAILS!" The referee called out, much to the groaning of the crowd. The Orks had the first ball.
The opposing teams lined up on the scrimmage, the Orks hunched in proper offensive formation (since they had no concept nor perceived need of defense). The Pixies were equally determined and in formation, facing their huge opponents with the stubbornness known of their kind. The Dwagons were sitting around at random points, some looking at the flowers the Pixies had left and finishing off the last of their cookies, wondering what was going to happen next.
The ball was snapped... and so were both Pixies and Dwagons. As would be expected the Orks plowed through their ranks like buffalo through bunny rabbits. The Pixies disappeared in a cloud of dust and Dwagons went flying in several directions. Groans of surprise and concern rose from the crowd. Dwarves cried out in anger, cursing the fact that they were referees and thus weren't on the scrimmage line. The expressions on the face of the Elven typically did not change, although one of them did let out a slight gasp at the apparent carnage.
A horn blew as the Orks made a touchdown, obviously the first of several to come. Of no surprise to anyone, no Orks were back on the scrimmage line; all of them had run forward at once and were now at the goal post dancing in celebration of their expected first goal. They'd mowed over the entire line of Pixies and Dwagons as if they were dandelions. The devastation behind them was ghastly to see. Pixies lay crumpled, faces in the dirt and hineys in the air. Dwagons were scattered like bowling pins in all variety of positions. In the stands women fainted and strong men wept.
A whistle was blown as referees, healers and wizards rushed onto the field to see if any of the non-Ork team could be saved. But before they could reach the players the Pixies climbed to their feet and dusted themselves off, followed by the Dwagons righting themselves and shaking their little heads to clear the grass out of their ear fins.
"HOOOO! AGAIN!!!" a Dwagon cried out, followed by a collective sigh of relief from the crowd. The Pixies faced their audience and raised their fists in an unexpected show of defiance to the Orks. The crowd erupted in a roar, cheering and applauding as people jumped to their feet. The Pixies, protected by both armor and magic, were not going to be defeated so easily. As for the Dwagons... well, they thought getting stomped by Orks was just part of the fun.
EDUCATING THE TEAM
It occurred to the referees that apparently the Dwagons had no idea what was going on. They called a time out, called the team to the sidelines... and carefully explained to the Dwagons the purpose and goal of Footsbrawl. The Dwagons listened, their whirling eyes growing bright as they were informed this was a game and the object of that game was to keep the Orks from running over the Pixies. Their eyes grew a little brighter still when they heard they could make points by helping the pixies get the little ball between the big posts at the end of the field... and their eyes positively glowed when they were told that if they won the game there would be cookies!
The Dwagons quickly huddled together, their muted whispers in the oddling Dwagon language carrying across the field. One of the Dwagons went to speak to the Pixies... pointing to the bright-pink armored helmets they wore. With a flash of magic several extra helmets appeared, and soon all the Dwagons were proudly sporting their new "hats". The audience cheered in appreciation. The game was ON.
FIELD GOAL
The referees called for a possible field goal and the two teams lined up. Someone should have seen coming what happened next, but sadly no one did, not even the refs. A large Ork picked up a Dwagon, held it out and drop-kicked it heavily toward the goal post.
"Wheeeeeee..." the Dwagon echoed across the field, followed by a collective moan from the crowd as it passed through the goal posts. The Orks in the stands jumped to their feet and stomped appreciatively as the refs declared success of the field goal. The score was 2 to 0, favor of the Orks, one point for the touchdown, one point for the kick.
There was a bit of confusion as the remaining Dwagons rushed to the Orks, all begging to be punted through the field goal. The referees restored order, explaining to the Dwagons they'd have to wait their turns for later in the game. The second scrimmage was about to begin.
THE BALL IS SNAPPED
The teams lined up facing one another, this time a slightly different scene. The Orks didn't even bother to get in their defensive positions; they stood fully erect (or as erect as an Ork can get), prepared to stomp the first Pixie or Dwagon that dared to cross the line of scrimmage. The Pixies were on full offense, their eyes glowing bright pink, violet and lime green as they prepared to defend their quarterback (it didn't help that the quarterback was only 3 feet tall, could barely hold the ball, and could not see over the heads of the Orks at all). The Dwagons (now knowing cookies were involved) were fully focused on the game. They were on all fours, wings and tails in the air, ready to meet the "big ol' Orks" in sportish battle.
The call went out, the ball was snapped, and the quarterback somehow managed to catch the ball. The Orks chuckled deeply at the pixie quarterback's "cuteness" before taking their first step in her direction. They knew this would not last long and fully expected to take the ball and make their own touchdown before the play was over.
They never saw what hit them.
We have mentioned that Dwagons are about 80 lbs of solid mass, and nearly invulnerable. Unfortunately for the Orks they forgot both that fact... and the fact that Dwagons can jump. Six Orks were immediately and painfully disabled as they were suddenly sacked by some unexpectedly forceful collisions to their mid-sections, knocking the air completely out of them. At the same time the Orks that had managed to cross the line of scrimmage suddenly found themselves lying flat on their backs as Pixies... who by the way do have wings... launched from their defensive positions and hit the Orks full on smack helmet to helmet. The repeated clang of metal against metal rang out across the field as magically-enhanced Pixie helmets met hardened Ork battle helms. Some Orks went down immediately while others spent a while walking around in random directions.
One Dwagon managed to run between the legs of a defending Ork, all four legs pumping as fast as they could possibly go. By the time the Orks realized what was going on the Dwagon was two yards away from the goal line and was standing there waiting. The quarterback Pixie now finding a gaping hole in the defensive line of the Orks, took her opportunity. A large crack of force-magic was heard across the field and the ball launched faster and harder than anyone would expect from a Pixie. It soared in a perfect spiral toward the Dwagon and hit the creature square-on, tumbling it backward head-over heels. When the Dwagon stopped tumbling and stood on its feet... the ball was held snugly in its mouth.
The horn blew, the crowd roared and people jumped to their feet, realizing the Pixies had scored their first touchdown.
CHALLENGING THE PLAY
Suddenly a whistle sounded, a flag was thrown and referees gathered at the scrimmage line. The crowd grew silent, wondering what was being discussed. The refs were visibly animated, apparently talking at once about something that seemed very important. After a couple of minutes they started nodding, grew silent, and one of the refs turned and walked over to the stands.
"PIXIE FORCE MAGIC IS ALLOWED DUE TO THEIR DIMINISHED SIZE. DEFENSIVE SHIELDING MAGIC ALSO ALLOWED. FLYING FOR WINGED CREATURES IS PERMITTED SO LONG AS IT DOES NOT EXCEED 6 FEET ABOVE THE GROUND. ALL OTHER MAGIC IS PROHIBITED DURING THIS GAME. TOUCHDOWN IS GOOD!"
The crowd erupted in a cacophony of cheers, dragon roars and riverdancing as two changelings by the scoreboard shifted form to show the new score of 2-1. The celebrative sounds quickly quieted however as the two teams, now mutually respectful, gathered on the scrimmage line for the attempted field goal. The Orks were now aware and much more mindful that their opponents were not going to be easy pushovers. Three of the Orks were sporting bandages. All of the Orks had bruises. One had to be magically healed from a cracked rib caused by sudden Dwagon impact. The Orks were now convinced their opponents had some degree of skill and power... and had no intention of repeating the mistakes of the last play.
As they gathered on the line of scrimmage, one of the Orks stated, "You Dwagons and Pixies not too bad." This was met with agreeing grunts from the Ork side, and appreciative winks from some of the Pixies. The Orks huddled down in proper positions, for if there is one thing Orks appreciate, it's a skilled opponent. "This game might be fun after all," the Ork Captain said to the others.
A Dwagon started counting: "Minety ates. Twenty free. Elebenty... HIKES!" The ball was snapped, set, and a Pixie hit the ball with all the force magic she could muster. The Orks, far better prepared this time, hit the Dwagon and Pixie defensive line with energetic caution. Some Orks went down, some Dwagons and Pixies went down, a couple of Orks got through. One Ork dove toward the ball... but failed to remember that force magic is nothing to be trifled with. The ball pinged off his helmet with a sharp THWACK and the Ork dropped, stunned. Unfortunately he pinned the kicking Pixie as he fell so she didn't get to see her first field goal of the game. The ball caromed off the Ork's helmet and flipped end over end, high above the heads of the Ork team.. and through the goalposts.
The horn sounded, the crowd jumped to its feet, the Ork fans moaned and groaned. The changelings shifted and revealed the new score: TIE, 2-2!
THE GAME PLAYS OUT
The next three hours were an exhibit of the best Footsbrawl game in the history of Elf Clan. Not since the Raglan Shire World Class Soccer Championship had there been more excitement, better plays or better players than those evident at this game. The entire contest became a trade-off of the Orks scoring, followed by the Dwagons and Pixies scoring. At times the defense held and no score was made during the four downs, but then the other team would hold their line as well.
Never had two teams been so equally matched. Never had two sides been so determined to do their best in a game. When the final score was announced no one was surprised: 14 to 14, even tie. The refs assembled and discussed the matter, turned to the crowd and announced:
"AS AGREED BY THE PEACE ACCORD BETWEEN THE ELVEN AND THE ORKS, IN ALL TIES, ORKS WIN!"
The Ork fans erupted in loud cheers, their victory roar of WAAAAAGHH heard from both field and audience. The fans of the Dwagons and Pixies were understandably disappointed but nevertheless applauded and clapped the Ork fans on their backs in an attitude of sportsmanship.
While both teams had played with equal skill, the decision of the refs was fair and predictable. The concept was well-known and ancient: "Orks win." No one expected anything different. Regardless of the final score it was widely understood that the Orks would claim they played a better game and considered themselves the winners anyway. That's just how it is with Orks. Elves have long known: peaceful and happy Orks are greatly preferable to a number on a scoreboard.
The players down on the field amicably shook hands and paws. Despite the Orks "winning" the game, the Pixies had earned a fine reputation as valiant players-- and the Dwagons were rewarded with abundant cookies, as was only proper.
From da pre-game interview to da final score, the announcer was heavily pro-Raglan an properly non-home-team demoralizin. We would expects nuthin less, cos we know he scared. Mwaaahahahah...
