Elf Clan

NOTEABLE VIRTUAL REALITY QUOTES

"What are Linden Bears for... so that we have something to hug when things go horribly wrong?"
-- Koni Lanzius, commenting on Linden-Resembling virtual teddybears Linden Lab gave out to customers.
 

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 "Happy coexistence and learning should always be at the forefront of any virtual world, with profit margins only appearing as a result of creating something that enhances people's lives."
-Tranquility Dexler of Inworldz

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"I have trepidations regarding Viewer 2.0. While there is no argument a major viewer restructure is essential, to be frank, Linden Lab has a long history of seriously borking such projects. If I had to make a prediction at this time, I would predict Viewer 2.0 will contain numerous conceptual and design flaws that will largely result in severe disapproval from the users it's meant to serve (flaws and designs that likely, we could have warned them about long in advance if they'd given us the chance)."
-Wayfinder: An Open Letter to Mark Kingdon, word-for-word, unedited from February 20, 2010... several days prior to the release of disastrous Viewer 2.0.   

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"It would be crazy to lose valuable customers because they want to but cant give us money : ( "
-- Rod Humble, CEO of Linden Lab, Tweeting in response to Elf Clan (almost) leaving SL because they didn't process our payments and sidelined an Eldar.

Elf Clan left 6 months later when price-gouging Linden Lab policy shifts made it impossible to finance  increasing-cost $350-a-month regions.
 
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"Yeah, Inworldz isn't doing well for sure, and I'm afraid the blame rests solidly on the Founders.  They don't listen to anyone... not to those older and with more experience.  We've tried to give them warning but they ignore common-sense counsel.   Because of this, I have managed to duplicate all of Replicant City on my own hard drive.   I will not have years of work go down the drain because Inworldz Founders mismanage their grid.  I've seen such happen too often in the past."

-- Wayfinder Wishgringer in an email to another member, dated 2016-06-03... a little over 2 years prior to the predicted eventual Inworldz collapse.

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"Question: How many Lindens does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: It's customer content. We can't replicate the bulb being burned out. You're using too many bulbs. Bulbs being burned out is not against TOS. That's a technical issue, please file a JIRA report. Thank you for being patient. We hate this too! We will turn it over to Workingonit Linden ASAP!"

(6 years later, bulb still not working.)
-- Eren Padar

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"The Dumbest People on Earth"

-- The title of a Readers Digest article refering to (among others) Second Life users who pay as much per month for virtual land as the price of a new car. 

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“All things considered, I believe Linden Labs actually has the right idea. If you make your money on high prices and fewer customers - BAM! - less work required to accommodate all remaining 17 !”

-Zekeen Phoenix

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"I fully expect before the year is out, that LL will drop yet another bomb on the SL populace. Just call it a nasty hunch."
-- Wayfinder, April 13, 2010  
 

The bombs that dropped:  Viewer 2 (which everyone hated), removal of Educational discounts, institution of Display.Names despite widespread customer protest, breaking the Search Engine, breaking the Events listings, breaking SL Marketplace... and much, much more-- all in one year.

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"This lament by residents was novel and revolutionary as a concept in 2004; it was a hallmark of persistence and determination by 2006; by 2008 it was a sign of masochism; by 2010 it is a diagnosis of a unstable and co-dependent personality disorder."
--Prokofy Neva regarding people continuing with Second Life despite the love-hate relationship

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"Well to be honest, i dont pay to see movies to be forced to use my own "fantasy" to make up for its shortcomings. Almost sounds like a LL tactic.

-- Mean Golem

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"Welcome to Second Life... the Iron Curtain of virtual worlds."

-Wayfinder, regarding Linden Lab usurping customer copyrights and Intellectual Property and claiming the right to ban anyone at any time for any reason, allegedly stealing millions of dollars in customer assets.

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Giving the appearance of a thing doesn't necessarily make a thing the thing that it looks like-- which is a particularly sticky point when it comes to virtual environments, where the appearance-of-thinginess and actual-thinginess are often superficially confused.
-Tateru Nino, Dwelling On It

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It's not that we're opposed to change.  It's that we're opposed to "OMG WT?????" change.
-- Wayfinder

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"In late 2008 Linden Lab made an out-of-nowhere, customer-blindsiding corporate decision that resulted in the destruction of 20% of the user-owned sims on Second Life. We have all invested in Second Life in one way or another. This isn't a game; it is a society. Currently it is a society governed by a body that is proving totalitarian and abusive. Customers have little or no say in decisions that can change the entire scope of the grid and destroy our investments. That is unacceptable. We are paying the bills."
--Wayfinder: The End of the Dream

Regarding blatant management abuse by Linden Lab which killed the growth of Second Life and caused a massive customer exodus-- a blow from which that grid never recovered and which ushered in the age of OpenSim, Second Life's biggest competitor.

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"We're in a business relationship with LL.  We're paying them for stuff they should do but they are graciously allowing us to do ourselves."

-Orca Flotta, in a comment on Dwell On It

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"A business truth Linden Lab would do well to understand:  High price does not guarantee the highest profit."
--Wayfinder: Altering the Course of Microsoft

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"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."

Robert Heinlien's fictional character Lazuras Long in Time Enough For Love

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"I think you Lindens (with notable exceptions) are outrageously arrogant... in fact, thinking about it - nearly every blunder the lab has committed over the years can be seen as a direct result of arrogance,  dismissiveness, and general disrespect for your customers."  
-Qarl (ex)-Linden (the inventor of sculpties)
References:
http://www.qarl.com/qLab/?p=79
http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2010/08/requiem-for-qarl-linden.html

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"As far as catching up... we're not in "do anything we can to get customers" mode. We never have... we're growing at a manageable rate that ensures we don't need investment capital. This isn't a game or a competition to us. It is a business with real people that are counting on us to keep improving. Maybe not as quickly as they would like. But every day and every week. We're here to take care of our customers, not try to attract a ton of new ones to claim "we're the biggest".   We have real and filled up regions with real content. I have absolutely no question in my mind why we're where we are. I don't have to wonder. We're in controlled growth for a reason. When the time is right... we will advertise. Our target audience is pretty special."

--Tranquility Dexler, Inworldz

A good and wise sentiment.  Unfortunately by the end of 2018 Inworldz had failed to advertise, failed to grow, and crashed nose-first into the dirt.  For a while Inworldz was special, but they forgot and ignored their greatest asset:  the collective knowledge and wisdom of very-experienced customers.

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"With no users inhabiting them, a virtual world will dry up and eventually be shut down.  With no admins fixing or developing things, a virtual world will stagnate and fall apart.  Users need admins as much as admins need users.  And it’s only by them working together that the successful future of virtual worlds will unfold."

--John Lester, aka Pathfinder Linden

full article: http://becunningandfulloftricks.com/2011/05/05/railing-against-the-gods-the-unfortunate-metaphor-of-virtual-world-administrators/

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"I've stopped building for SL for about 2 years now.....not because I couldn't sell new items there... I stopped because of a company and a TOS that was becoming increasingly antagonistic to content creators with each passing day.... Sometimes I wonder if the residents / content creators / customers of LL are the frogs in the pot of water that slowly increases in heat. They won't try to jump until it is too late."

-- Sept 2013, Julia Hathor in response to a recent SL policy change granting LL full right to user creations.  See Cautionary article.

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"Holy cwap!  I fergot Spud!"

-- Bellini Cazalet (dwagon), who went lake diving and then remembered the pet mouse on her shoulder.  Don't worry, tiny CPR and cupcakes saved the day.

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DA DWAGON AND DA ORC
by Snoots Dwagon

Is true story...

The orc smashed through the brush in typical orcish manner, unheeding of the damage caused to fauna or small burrow. His huge battle axe, Crunch and his sword Slasha in hand, he knew himself to be da biggest, baddest creature in da land. He was ORC! Let all fear him.

A few hundred yards further, unfortunately in his path, lay a nest of eggs. The eggs looked odd, covered with scales instead of normal shells, each one colored differently. They had not been wisely placed, and had the dragon who laid them not had a few too many ales that evening in a friendly drinking contest, they might have been placed on a high ridge where they belonged. But, as things might happen, laid they were, the dragon went off to explore a strange sound, and never found her way back.

However, as things would have it, she had the good fortune to lay them near a steam vent, which proved perfect for completing the job she started, even if the inhabitants would hatch without the oversight of a mother.

It should be noted that dwagons are somewhat mischievous even with a mother to guide them. One can only imagine a brood without such guidance.

Of all the eggs, only one had hatched, its former inhabitant pecking at the empty shell and examining the other still-intact orbs. Before long, his brothers and sisters would emerge. But for now he was alone, confused, without mother, and perfectly unaware of all the above. Which meant of course, he was completely happy and curious about everything. Pure, unadulterated dwagon.

He pecked at a couple of eggs, and was rewarded with a resounding peck from within the shell. It would not be long now, maybe an hour or two, before general mayhem would occur, courtesy of a dozen dwagons on the loose. But for now, he was by himself.

There was one thing he knew above all other things: he was the "Offishul Guardian of Da Eggs", an dat was dat.

Unaware of all this, was an orc.

There are three things orcs and dwagons have in common. Both are totally fearless, totally clueless, and therefore totally happy. The unwitting orc happily blundered on through the forest, bringing a near-end-of-life to the countless creatures that barely escaped the size-25 boots that clomped unheedingly forward. Unheeding that is, until suddenly he was greeted by a foot-tall winged lizard with attitude.

"Hi dere!" chirped a high, squeaky voice.

"HUH?" responded the orc, the voice actually making its way through his dull senses and causing him to stop. "HAR! A dwagon!" he roared.

"You an Orc?" the dwagon chirped. "How is you?" The orc looked at him first with one eye, then the other.

"I is fine!" the orc rumbled. "An lots better now dat I gots eggs fer breakfas!"

Now dwagons are many things, but slow-witted is not one of them... which is where they differ from orcs. The dwagon immediately understood the orc's meaning and, since he was "Offishul Guardian of Da Eggs", that was just not going to happen.

"Nope nope nope," the dwagon politely corrected the orc. "Dese are my eggs and dey hatchin' an you not eats 'em." Which of course, the orc thought to be extremely hilarious.

"HAR HAR HAR!" the orc laughed. "You make good joke!" Upon which, the orc made the serious mistake of actually reaching for an egg.

"AARRRGGHH!" the orc roared, pulling back his hand, now showing several dwagon bite marks. "You in trouble now! You bites an orc, you on da menu!"

"BLEH!" the dwagon chirped, spitting. "Orcses taste nastee. BLEH!"

The orc growled. It was obviously smashin time. His hands tightened around Smasha and Crunch as he prepared to add dwagon to his diet.

"DAT DOES IT!" the orc cried. "Eggs an meat on da side!"

"Nuuuuuuuuuuu!" the dwagon screeched and began running around the orc's feet, his little wings flapping.

"I gonna smash you!" the orc yelled. Thinking quickly, the dwagon ran over to the nest and grabbed a piece of his egg shell and put it on his head. His new helmet intact, he turned to the orc.

"Nya nya!" it sang, running to the side to draw attention away from the nest. The orc, totally forgetting the eggs, charged after it.

One thing can be said about dwagons: they are fast. Not as fast as an orc, but a dwagon can make much sharper turns. This was a fact the orc discovered as its head made sudden contact with a tree that refused to move out of his way.

The orc's vision eventually returned and he looked up at the branches, aware that for some reason he was laying on his back. Slowly, cognizance returned to him.

"HAR! GOOD ONE!" the orc laughed. But his laughter was cut short when he suddenly felt dwagon on his chest, saw two swirling eyes staring into his, and felt claws tighten on his chainmail, which he was fortunate to be wearing at the time.

"Sorry bout dis!" the dwagon said, and suddenly latched onto the orc's nose.

"AAAARGH!" the orc cried, jumping to his feet. The dwagon hung on with tiny teeth and fangs as the orc danced around. Just as the orc reached toward the dwagon to dislodge it, the dwagon jumped from it's claw-held position and landed atop the orc's head.

Orcs unfortunately have rather bulky, if long, arms. While they are pure murder in battle because of their reach, orcs simply have great difficulty reaching over their heads in full battle armor. Which is why the dwagon suddenly found itself enjoying its perch, as well as a vantage point from which it could watch the orc dancing around in little circles trying to get to the dwagon. The creature sat down on the orc's helmet, wedging itself between two spikey horns, and enjoyed the ride.

"YA LITTLE SCALED RAT!" the orc cried out. Unable to reach the dwagon, it occurred to the orc to try the battle axe instead. It turned the axe toward the dwagon and hauled back to swing the gigantic, devastating weapon.

He forgot the dwagon was sitting on his head.

The orc found himself looking up at another set of tree branches, different from the first, battle axe Crunch buried deeply in his helmet and just barely grazing the skin beneath. The sound of the impact of stone against metal still reverberated through the forest. Slowly the orc rose to his feet and spent the next couple of minutes walking around in random little circles.

Eventually regaining his limited senses, the orc pried the stone axe from the helmet.

"HAR! GOOD ONE!" the orc said. He turned to see where the dwagon might be. Unfortunately for the orc, the dwagon was right behind him, head cocked, eyeing the one, single area of unarmored body part on the whole creature. The orc heard one, single chirped phrase...

"HINEY BUTT!" This was followed by significant pain to said "hiney butt" as several very sharp teeth sunk unto his posterior. It of course, took a full five seconds for the pain impulse to reach the orc's limited perceptive faculties, during which time the dwagon hung on and sunk teeth deeper. So by the time the orc realized what was going on, there was a considerable amount going on.

"AAAARRRRGGGHHH!" the orc roared in pain, spinning once again to try to dislodge the dwagon from his backside. The dwagon of course, thought this was great fun, and would have continued to hang on as the orc spun, except for the irresistible urge to utter one, single cry of glee.

"WHEEEEEEE!" Upon which, the dwagon dropped to the ground, unfortunately right in front of the egg nest.

"I gonna get you now!" the orc roared. Forward he came, with the weight and muscle of a good size bear, placing the dwagon in a predicament. If the dwagon stood there, he would be stomped flat. If he moved, the eggs would be stomped flat. What could he do?

"LOOKIE DERE!" the dwagon cried out. "BLONDE NAKEE PRINCESS!"

"Whuh?" the orc responded, stopping suddenly in his tracks and spinning around to see what the dwagon was talking about. Which of course, was a mistake.

Instantly he felt severe pain around the ankles as a very swift ankle-biter used one of its main, instinctual attacks. The dwagon wove in and out between the immense feet, nipping at the orc's ankles in such a manner so as to continually draw the orc away from the egg nest. The orc chased the dwagon, which in turn kept biting his ankles, which caused him to further chase the dwagon, which kept biting his ankles in a bizarre battle dance. This dance continued until the dwagon looked straight up and noticed something else: the Orc wasn't armored underneath from the front side either. Nothing but rough cloth separated Orc from air.

Now, it is a well known fact that dwagons have different forms of breath. Some have fire breath, which fortunately for the orc was not the case here. Some have acid breath, which was with equal fortune not the case. But in this particular case, this dwagon's breath was sufficient to meet the need.

The poor orc's eyes widened as the sensation slowly dawned upon his dull brain. For when one speaks of dwagon ice breath, mere cold is not the issue. Even snow and ice cold does not come close. In the far, distant future, a group of men called scientists will discover a substance called liquid nitrogen, which might be almost as cold as dwagon ice breath. And that breath was focused directly underneath the orc, going straight up his chainmail skirt to unprotected regions. The orc found this somewhat disquieting.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, which provided the dwagon with no end of amusement as the orc danced around, dropping both Slasha and Crunch as his attention focused completely on things far more essential to his well-being than a couple of mere weapons. Fortunately for the orc, his dull senses had caused him to move before all areas of anatomy were totally and completely frozen, and after a few minutes both orc blood and sensation began returning to numbed regions.

In the meantime, unbeknownst to both orc and dwagon, things were happening back at the nest. One peck, then two, then a chirp, then five, then eleven as the other eggs hatched. Eleven sets of eyes peered out of shattered egg shells, taking their first look at the world. And that first look was that of an orc dancing around and howling, clutching smarting body parts, and a small dwagon dancing around the orc... which was something eleven dwagons thought was funny to no end. Quickly they climbed from the nest and joined the orc in this wunnerful dance.

After a while the orc settled down, the numbness, followed by the pins and needles sensation, subsiding to the point it didn't require the entire attention of his limited consciousness. Regaining his senses, he looked down to see not one, but twelve dwagons, of all different colors, chirping and dancing right along with him. Slowly a smile crossed his dull face.

"HAR!" the orc cried out. "GOOD ONE!" and he sat down on the ground facing the dwagons.

"OK, no egg breakfas", the orc stated wisely, considering all the eggs had now hatched. Resigned to his fate, he reached into his backpack. "I guesses I jus settle for cookies."

Suddenly twelve dwagons stopped dancing. Twelve heads snapped toward the backpack, twelve sets of eyes locked on the hapless orc, and twelve little voices chirped in unison...

"Cookies...?"


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Copyright 2008 Snoots Dwagon