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Orignally published May 17, 2010
ARE YOU A DWAGON?
Some people are Dwagons and don't realize it yet. Take this simple survey to determine whether or not you are a Dwagon:
1. A Dwagon is:
A. baby dragon
B. hotrod car
C. full diaper
2. Dwagon favorite food is:
A. Cookies
B. Brocolli
C. Flat Fwoggies
D. Beets
E. Cookies
F. Pizza
G. Cookies
3. Proper Dwagon grammar:
A. Thank you, I would enjoy some tea and biscuits. What a lovely home you have.
B. Hey dude, hand me another brewski.
C. I heard dere was gonna be pie. Is dere pie? I just wuvs pie.
4. Correct Dwagon response to drama or harassment:
A. Report the offender to the authorities and "turn the other cheek".
B. Shoot the offender with a Teddybear bazooka.
C. Poot fire on the offender.
D. BITE! BITE! BITE!
5. Dwagon's favorite game:
A. Pirates
B. Star Trek
C. Ork Invasion
D. Riding anything that makes you dizzy
E. All of the above and quite a bit more
6. Dwagons love:
A. Space ships
B. Harmless but great big noisy guns and bombs
C. Laughing insanely
D. Teasing Orcs
E. Jumping off high places into liddle biddy pools of water
F. Hiding in leaves and jumping out at passerby
G. Racing Riding Slugs
H. Go Karts
I. Chocolate
J. Sorry, we've run out of space for this question
7. Dwagon view of the land where anyone resides:
A. It probly very pwetty.
B. Wow, shineys!
C. We gonna take over... right after milk 'n cookies.
ANSWERS:
1. A. Dwagons are recent hatches unfortunately left to survive on their own. We say unfortunate not for them... but for any soul who tries to cause them problems. Cos everbody knows dwagons not afraid o' nuthin.
2. If you guessed B or D, bend over. We gonna smack you in da brain. Regarding C, yes...
Dwagons do love flat fwoggies. Let's just say it's an acquired taste.
3. C. While A and B are potentially possible in specific situations, eberbody knows dwagons cannot resist pie. Dat just how it is.
4. All but choice A. About the only cheek a Dwagon turns is in preparation for option C.
5. E. That was a "gimme" question in case you missed 2.
6. If we'd have continued, we'd have run out of alphabet letters too. Then we would have had to switch to numbers. And theoretically we might have run out of those...
7. C. Be afwaid. Be vewy afwaid.
GENERAL DWAGON GRAMMAR:
While some people mistakenly believe Dwagons speak in baby-talk, this is an incorrect assumption. Dwagons have their own language which they formed just because, in their opinion, everyone else talks too serious. The best way to learn Dwagon grammar is just to listen to them chat. Following is an exerpt quoted directly from a Dwagon. Non-stop...
Hi dere. I a Dwagon. What is you? Oh, I likes dose kinda critters.
How is I doin? I a Dwagon! Dwagons always do GREAT! I just been playin Star Trek. Zap Zap! It fun. I gotta phaser an a tricorder an a combadge an a ship an another ship an a space shuttle an dat about it.
Wanna bite o' Flat Fwoggy? Dis one pretty good. I finded it several weeks ago on da road. It amazin no one pick it up yet! So I lucky. It pretty flat. I chew on most of it but I left dat leg dere in case someone else wanted a bite. I share wif you if you hungry.
Gotta cookie? I just luvs cookies. I luvs pizza too. It pretty good. Not as good as cookies, cos dey just nahm nahm nahm. But pizza rawks. Speshully if it got some flat fwoggie on it.
I once swimmed in Kool Aid. Dat was fun.
Hey, you seen my horsey? I gotta horsey. He pretty nice. He not bite or nuthin. He not as fast as my car though. Vroom vroom! It really fast. Unless it hits da sim edge. Den it gets pretty slow.
What you think of Elves? Dey funny. Not as funny as Orcs though. I luvs Orcs. Orcs chases us for no reason except we divebombs 'em. Dat pretty kewl. Dey yell an hollar and runs after us but dey neber catches us cos Dwagons pretty fast.
I a smart Dwagon! Go ahead ask me a question. Huh? Ok asks me another question cos I not knows dat one. Wanna bite o' cookie? I just found one right dere on da sidewalk. I shares.
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COMMENTS
Comment by Cinnamon Raymaker on May 17, 2010
hahah, ty, ty, ty ! I likes dis stuff. /me laughs lotses! BTW I a dwagon ;P is officials!
Comment by Bryster Shan on May 17, 2010
Are you a Dwagon?
1) Do you rezz rats on bartops? - if answer is yes, you is a Dwagon.
2) Do you put dead rats in rum barrels? - if answer is yes, you are a Dwagon.
3) Do you torture, pester, annoy, disturb, harrass, prod, trip-up, wind-up, or other-wise generally drive the Innkeeper crazy ? - if answer is yes, you are a Dwagon.
Comment by Oona Sharple on May 17, 2010
Oh..But ya gots it all wrong,Bry..Da Dwagons helpin out,see :) Dey makes good biz fer Bry :D
Oh and Eren,Oona knows Dwagons,yes:) Oona has fishies in pocketies fer Dwagons..If Oona wishes it a sardine,den it a sardine :D
Oona has everythin in pocketies heeeee And a grammar book ;)
Comment by Moontan Valeeva on May 17, 2010
Definitely not a dwagon..I sympathise with the fwoggies even when they are flat ..
And Bryster, dwagons are a force of nature, endure them ....
Comment by Snoots Dwagon on May 17, 2010
ADVERTISEMENT:
Is you place infested wif ratses? Is dey all ober da counters an in mugs an beer an stuff?
Call da RATBUSTERS!
We is dwagons speshul trained to handles rodent infestations. For only some cookies (more dan three) and maybe some rums if you happens to be a tavern owner-- we will removes all rats prollums (except pet ones of course) an make you place nice an ratless.
OUR GUARANTEE: Once rats gone, they not returns for at least two weeks! Whole two weeks rat-free prollums. Is good deal!
Calls Ratbusters today! You not regrets it!
Comment by Kylinn Leimes on May 17, 2010
Ferrets be good ratbusters too. They my cousins. They very nice peoples. Especially if you dun cares who haz your socks. We needs more ferrets in Elf Clan!
Comment by Hecatya Idimmu on May 22, 2010
Eren, from what i read i think i could not be a dwagon...I do not have all the conditions, but maybe a dragon? Could you please tell Heacatya is there a big difference between a dragon and a dwagon?
Comment by Wayfinder Wishbringer on July 12, 2010
Hecatya, there are major differences between dragons and dwagons.
Dragons don't sit on the bartops.
Dragons don't sit on fan blades and go round and round.
Dragons don't swipe cookies when you're not looking.
Dragons don't play Star Trek. Usually.
Dragons tolerate dwagons. That's about it.
Dragons eat a whole lot more. Well... wait a minute... that may not be exactly right...
Comment by Oona Sharple on July 12, 2010 at 9:50am
Dwagons has like 3 tummies..
Dwagons do da dishes wif deyr tongue...
Dwagons gets stuck in pillowcase..
Dwagons shares wut dey already takes a bite of...
Oona can comes up wif more ;)
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