Elf Clan

Originally published April 10, 2010

Otter Definition by Kylinn Leimes

wot dat? wot dat? nomnomnom. jump on bartop. wot dat? playplayplay. runaroundaroundaround. nomnomnom. RIVERDANCE! nom.

Orignally published May 17, 2010

ARE YOU A DWAGON?

Some people are Dwagons and don't realize it yet. Take this simple survey to determine whether or not you are a Dwagon:

1. A Dwagon is:
A. baby dragon
B. hotrod car
C. full diaper

2. Dwagon favorite food is:
A. Cookies
B. Brocolli
C. Flat Fwoggies
D. Beets
E. Cookies
F. Pizza
G. Cookies

3. Proper Dwagon grammar:
A. Thank you, I would enjoy some tea and biscuits. What a lovely home you have.
B. Hey dude, hand me another brewski.
C. I heard dere was gonna be pie. Is dere pie? I just wuvs pie.

4. Correct Dwagon response to drama or harassment:
A. Report the offender to the authorities and "turn the other cheek".
B. Shoot the offender with a Teddybear bazooka.
C. Poot fire on the offender.
D. BITE! BITE! BITE!

5. Dwagon's favorite game:
A. Pirates
B. Star Trek
C. Ork Invasion
D. Riding anything that makes you dizzy
E. All of the above and quite a bit more

6. Dwagons love:
A. Space ships
B. Harmless but great big noisy guns and bombs
C. Laughing insanely
D. Teasing Orcs
E. Jumping off high places into liddle biddy pools of water
F. Hiding in leaves and jumping out at passerby
G. Racing Riding Slugs
H. Go Karts
I. Chocolate
J. Sorry, we've run out of space for this question

7. Dwagon view of the land where anyone resides:
A. It probly very pwetty.
B. Wow, shineys!
C. We gonna take over... right after milk 'n cookies.

ANSWERS:
1. A. Dwagons are recent hatches unfortunately left to survive on their own. We say unfortunate not for them... but for any soul who tries to cause them problems. Cos everbody knows dwagons not afraid o' nuthin.
2. If you guessed B or D, bend over. We gonna smack you in da brain. Regarding C, yes...
Dwagons do love flat fwoggies. Let's just say it's an acquired taste.
3. C. While A and B are potentially possible in specific situations, eberbody knows dwagons cannot resist pie. Dat just how it is.
4. All but choice A. About the only cheek a Dwagon turns is in preparation for option C.
5. E. That was a "gimme" question in case you missed 2.
6. If we'd have continued, we'd have run out of alphabet letters too. Then we would have had to switch to numbers. And theoretically we might have run out of those...
7. C. Be afwaid. Be vewy afwaid.

GENERAL DWAGON GRAMMAR:
While some people mistakenly believe Dwagons speak in baby-talk, this is an incorrect assumption. Dwagons have their own language which they formed just because, in their opinion, everyone else talks too serious. The best way to learn Dwagon grammar is just to listen to them chat. Following is an exerpt quoted directly from a Dwagon. Non-stop...

Hi dere. I a Dwagon. What is you? Oh, I likes dose kinda critters.

How is I doin? I a Dwagon! Dwagons always do GREAT! I just been playin Star Trek. Zap Zap! It fun. I gotta phaser an a tricorder an a combadge an a ship an another ship an a space shuttle an dat about it.

Wanna bite o' Flat Fwoggy? Dis one pretty good. I finded it several weeks ago on da road. It amazin no one pick it up yet! So I lucky. It pretty flat. I chew on most of it but I left dat leg dere in case someone else wanted a bite. I share wif you if you hungry.

Gotta cookie? I just luvs cookies. I luvs pizza too. It pretty good. Not as good as cookies, cos dey just nahm nahm nahm. But pizza rawks. Speshully if it got some flat fwoggie on it.

I once swimmed in Kool Aid. Dat was fun.

Hey, you seen my horsey? I gotta horsey. He pretty nice. He not bite or nuthin. He not as fast as my car though. Vroom vroom! It really fast. Unless it hits da sim edge. Den it gets pretty slow.

What you think of Elves? Dey funny. Not as funny as Orcs though. I luvs Orcs. Orcs chases us for no reason except we divebombs 'em. Dat pretty kewl. Dey yell an hollar and runs after us but dey neber catches us cos Dwagons pretty fast.

I a smart Dwagon! Go ahead ask me a question. Huh? Ok asks me another question cos I not knows dat one. Wanna bite o' cookie? I just found one right dere on da sidewalk. I shares.

---

COMMENTS

Comment by Cinnamon Raymaker on May 17, 2010
    hahah, ty, ty, ty ! I likes dis stuff. /me laughs lotses! BTW I a dwagon ;P is officials!

Comment by Bryster Shan on May 17, 2010

    Are you a Dwagon?
    1) Do you rezz rats on bartops? - if answer is yes, you is a Dwagon.
    2) Do you put dead rats in rum barrels? - if answer is yes, you are a Dwagon.
    3) Do you torture, pester, annoy, disturb, harrass, prod, trip-up, wind-up, or other-wise generally drive the Innkeeper crazy ? - if answer is yes, you are a Dwagon.

Comment by Oona Sharple on May 17, 2010

    Oh..But ya gots it all wrong,Bry..Da Dwagons helpin out,see :) Dey makes good biz fer Bry :D

    Oh and Eren,Oona knows Dwagons,yes:) Oona has fishies in pocketies fer Dwagons..If Oona wishes it a sardine,den it a sardine :D

    Oona has everythin in pocketies heeeee And a grammar book ;)

Comment by Moontan Valeeva on May 17, 2010

    Definitely not a dwagon..I sympathise with the fwoggies even when they are flat ..
    And Bryster, dwagons are a force of nature, endure them ....

Comment by Snoots Dwagon on May 17, 2010

    ADVERTISEMENT:

    Is you place infested wif ratses? Is dey all ober da counters an in mugs an beer an stuff?

    Call da RATBUSTERS!

    We is dwagons speshul trained to handles rodent infestations. For only some cookies (more dan three) and maybe some rums if you happens to be a tavern owner-- we will removes all rats prollums (except pet ones of course) an make you place nice an ratless.

    OUR GUARANTEE: Once rats gone, they not returns for at least two weeks! Whole two weeks rat-free prollums. Is good deal!

    Calls Ratbusters today! You not regrets it!

Comment by Kylinn Leimes on May 17, 2010

    Ferrets be good ratbusters too. They my cousins. They very nice peoples. Especially if you dun cares who haz your socks. We needs more ferrets in Elf Clan!

Comment by Hecatya Idimmu on May 22, 2010

    Eren, from what i read i think i could not be a dwagon...I do not have all the conditions, but maybe a dragon? Could you please tell Heacatya is there a big difference between a dragon and a dwagon?

Comment by Wayfinder Wishbringer on July 12, 2010

    Hecatya, there are major differences between dragons and dwagons.
    Dragons don't sit on the bartops.
    Dragons don't sit on fan blades and go round and round.
    Dragons don't swipe cookies when you're not looking.
    Dragons don't play Star Trek. Usually.
    Dragons tolerate dwagons. That's about it.
    Dragons eat a whole lot more. Well... wait a minute... that may not be exactly right...

Comment by Oona Sharple on July 12, 2010 at 9:50am

    Dwagons has like 3 tummies..
    Dwagons do da dishes wif deyr tongue...
    Dwagons gets stuck in pillowcase..
    Dwagons shares wut dey already takes a bite of...

    Oona can comes up wif more ;)

Originally posted May 18, 2010

I heard awful news yesterday: da Thirsty Dragon Tavern was invadeds by RATSES!

Accordings to Tavern Keep BRYSTER SHAN, dese rats all ober da place. Bryster thinks it was Dwagons did it (well, one in particular) but how we get rats to come to tavern? We just dwagons an always innocents.

However, we CAN get rats to go away. So for modest price, we offered services of RATBUSTERS!
 

Bryster not too happy with whole idea. He thinks dwagons put rats dere. So we negotiated a bit.

 

Bryster declared a court of judgement, and we called in a Jury to decide if da dwagons was guilty of bringing in rats, or if we innocent and dere to cleans it up. Da Jury voteds INNOCENT, UNANIMOUS of course, cos dwagons is always innocent.

 

Despite verdict, Judge Bryster become executioner and pulls out sword. He chased Snoots all over da place but he neber catches hims, because dwagons is fast an flips ober counters.
 

In da end, rotten ol Barkeep tricks poor dwagon. Here is full historical record, exactly as happen. You be da judge.

[18:09] Entering ElvenMyst
[18:09] Curious Hazelnut: Hi mister bryster, sir.
[18:09] Bryster Shan: Greetings! Hail and Merry Met!
[18:09] Taralyn Melodie: merry meet bryster
[18:09] Curious Hazelnut: May I have a cookie? One with no rat bits?

(Snoots enters, dressed to the nines in a full "Ghostbusters" getup)

[18:09] Snoots Dwagon: ¸.•*?RATBUSTERS ? `*•.¸
[18:09] Snoots Dwagon: ? *•.¸WhoYaGonnaCall?¸.•*?
[18:10] Snoots Dwagon: ¸.•*?RATBUSTERS ? `*•.¸
[18:10] Snoots Dwagon: ? I aint afraid of no rats!?
[18:10] Curious Hazelnut: HI Snoots.
[18:10] Snoots Dwagon: We camed, we seed, we kicked its hiney!
[18:10] Curious Hazelnut: you missed a rat.
[18:11] Snoots Dwagon: Okies, lemme figures up cost of dis job
[18:11] Snoots Dwagon counts rats
[18:11] Bryster Shan: Not paying.
[18:11] Snoots Dwagon: One
[18:11] Snoots Dwagon: two
[18:11] Snoots Dwagon: elebendy
[18:11] Taralyn Melodie: *smiles*
[18:11] Bryster Shan: Who would like a drink?
[18:12] Snoots Dwagon: I WOULDS!
[18:12] Curious Hazelnut: and you left a rat on the bar, too.
[18:12] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster, you is right. I is detecting rats.
[18:12] Snoots Dwagon: Wif my rat thingamaboby
[18:12] Snoots Dwagon: Dere definitely rats around
[18:13] Curious Hazelnut: we need to call the health department
[18:13] Curious Hazelnut: condemn the bar?
[18:13] Shawn Daysleeper: ya these rats have been here for days
[18:13] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster hire me to get rid of rats
[18:13] Bryster Shan: Did not!
[18:13] Snoots Dwagon: You did! You said "Come take care of dese rats!" Right in main chat!
[18:13] Bryster Shan groans
[18:14] Bryster Shan: Snoots puts rats on bar so that he can charge me for cleaning dem up.
[18:14] Snoots Dwagon looks through records....
[18:14] Snoots Dwagon hands bryster order sheet:
[18:07] Group Chat: Bryster Shan: Good! You can clean up the dead rats.
[18:14] Snoots Dwagon: Yup, dat is order form right dere.
[18:14] Taralyn Melodie: hehehe
[18:14] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster hire me to cleans up rats
[18:15] Bryster Shan: You missed the bit where I said you put them there so you can clean em up.
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Ohh dead mousie right dere
[18:15] Curious Hazelnut: are you sure he didn't hire *me* to clean up the rats?
[18:15] Bryster Shan: This is a scam.
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Dead mousies costs extra
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Prolly whole cookie
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Okies I losted counts
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: I start counting again
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: One...
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Two....
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Elebendy...
[18:15] Bryster Shan: How about an angry kitty?
[18:15] Shawn Daysleeper: why didn't clarence take care of this?
[18:15] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah!
[18:16] Snoots Dwagon: BAD CAT!
[18:16] Bryster Shan: Clarence doesn't get up on the bartops.
[18:16] Snoots Dwagon: How he gonna get rats if he stay off bartops?
[18:16] Snoots Dwagon: Okies Bryster, I counts three live rats anna dead mouse.
[18:16] Snoots Dwagon: So dat gonna costs 4 cookies an 2 rums.
[18:16] Clarence: I saw that Dwagon thing put dead rats and mice everywhere.
[18:16] Bryster Shan: Busted!
[18:17] Bryster Shan: clarence saw the whole thing.
[18:17] Taralyn Melodie: hehehehe
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: Dat pretty fair price.
[18:17] Taralyn Melodie: i think your busted Snoots
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: Dese rat guns not grows on treees you knows
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: I always gets blamed for rateses.
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: But what is I? Pied piper?
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: Rats shows up, I gets 'em
[18:17] Snoots Dwagon: Dat wot I do. We da ratbusters
[18:18] Snoots Dwagon: ¸.•*?RATBUSTERS ? `*•.¸
[18:18] Snoots Dwagon: ? *•.¸WhoYaGonnaCall?¸.•*?
[18:18] Snoots Dwagon: ¸.•*?RATBUSTERS ? `*•.¸
[18:18] Snoots Dwagon: ? I aint afraid of no rats!?
[18:19] Bryster Shan: Right! Snoots? You claim to have been hired to clearup rats and mouses?
[18:19] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah, you hireds me.
[18:19] Bryster Shan puts on Judges hat.
[18:19] Snoots Dwagon: I not been paid yet though
[18:19] Taralyn Melodie: there's still a rat over here Snoots!
[18:20] Snoots Dwagon: Okies Bryster, you gots rat ober here
[18:20] Koni Lanzius: oops
[18:20] Snoots Dwagon: And you gots rat here on fruits
[18:20] Snoots Dwagon: And I detects rat by tip jar
[18:20] Snoots Dwagon: And dere ded mousie here
[18:20] Snoots Dwagon: So I give you a deal.
[18:21] Snoots Dwagon: You pays for 3 rats and I take out da mousie for free.
[18:21] Taralyn Melodie: *giggles*
[18:21] Snoots Dwagon: Dat be 4 cookies an 2 rums
[18:21] Bryster Shan: Snoots Dwagon! You are hereby to be tried for the henious crime of spreading dead creatures around the Tavern.
[18:21] Feydra Zenoria: lo ... giggles
[18:21] Snoots Dwagon: You is under arrest!
[18:21] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:21] Snoots Dwagon: I not spread no ded critters in tabern! Dey prolly died from eating sammiches!
[18:21] Snoots Dwagon: Or maybe drinkings wiskeys
[18:22] Bryster Shan: If they did they were your sammiches.,
[18:22] Snoots Dwagon: Did you feed dat mousie Ork Snot Ales?
[18:22] Snoots Dwagon: I always gets blamed for taburn stuffs
[18:22] Bryster Shan: Right! I need a jury! We is gonna Try Snoots Dwagon!
[18:22] Snoots Dwagon: Dey not MY rats
[18:22] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:22] Snoots Dwagon: I not said "Rats come sit in taburn"
[18:22] Taralyn Melodie: clarence said you did
[18:22] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:22] Bryster Shan: The accused will remain silent!
[18:23] Curious Hazelnut: and the rat by the cookies thinks it's Snoots' rat. I asked him.
[18:23] Koni Lanzius: go, Good Elf!
[18:23] Snoots Dwagon: Well, if you not wants me to remove rats, of course dat you choice....
[18:23] Bryster Shan: SILENCE!
[18:23] Snoots Dwagon: I'll just put this back where I found it....
[18:23] Bryster Shan: Do you have a Lawyer?
[18:23] Snoots Dwagon: Oh there goes another one. Look at dat critter.. he a big one! Hooo boy! Dat some critter!
[18:23] Bryster Shan: Who wants to defend the Dwagon!
[18:24] Feydra Zenoria: ohhhh defending a dwagon is fun
[18:24] Curious Hazelnut: don't look at me.
[18:24] Snoots Dwagon: But, if you not wanna hire me, dat okies. It you choice. I'll just puts dis back where I finded it.
[18:24] Curious Hazelnut: Snoots is funny but he's gross.
[18:24] Snoots Dwagon: Wot?
[18:24] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:24] Snoots Dwagon: What I do gross?
[18:24] Feydra Zenoria: he looks sooooooooo inocent giggles
[18:24] Bryster Shan: Seems to me the the Dwagon is not understand the seriousness of the charges against him!
[18:24] Feydra Zenoria: innocent but heeeeeeeeeeeeeee
[18:24] Snoots Dwagon: I here to REMOVES ratses. I not can helps it if dey attracted to Brysters Taburn!
[18:25] Feydra Zenoria: who invited the rats in?
[18:25] Bryster Shan: Who wants to be on the Jury?
[18:25] Taralyn Melodie: *giggles*
[18:25] Taralyn Melodie: meme
[18:25] Feydra Zenoria: get some good dwagons here giggles
[18:25] Snoots Dwagon: SILENCE IN COURT.....er....tAVERN!
[18:25] Feydra Zenoria: jury of dwagons would be fine
[18:25] Koni Lanzius: :D
[18:26] Snoots Dwagon: Nobody invited rats in. Dey just shows up!
[18:26] Feydra Zenoria: who is the judge?
[18:26] Bryster Shan: i'M THE jUDGE!
[18:26] Snoots Dwagon: Dey rats!
[18:26] Feydra Zenoria: seeeeeeee
[18:26] Feydra Zenoria: showed up they did
[18:26] Feydra Zenoria: and who put food out for the Rats I ask?
[18:26] Snoots Dwagon: Well I gonna sit down. All dis Ratbustin is hard work.
[18:26] Bryster Shan: Koni Lanzius? Will you stand defense for the accused?
[18:27] Koni Lanzius: i will!
[18:27] loopy String: giggle
[18:27] Bryster Shan: THank you!
[18:27] Koni Lanzius: we pleald insanity your honor!
[18:27] Feydra Zenoria: Feydra *Laughs Out Loud*
[18:27] Snoots Dwagon: WOT????!!!!
[18:27] Curious Hazelnut: Oh, I believe that.
[18:27] Snoots Dwagon: I needs a new atturniquet!
[18:27] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:27] Bryster Shan: The case against Snoots Dwagon is the he with willfullness and premeditation did leave dead animals over the Tavern. How do you plead?
[18:27] Curious Hazelnut: Snoots is definitely a few donuts short of a dozen.
[18:28] Snoots Dwagon: NOTS GUILTY!
[18:28] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:28] Snoots Dwagon: I INNOCENTS!
[18:28] Bryster Shan: Oh he understood that alright!
[18:28] Snoots Dwagon: Can I haz my four cookies now?
[18:28] Curious Hazelnut: Um, Mister Bryster .... can I ask a question?
[18:28] Bryster Shan: Koni? Do you wish to provide evidence of the Dwagon's innocence?
[18:29] Koni Lanzius: huh... errr....
[18:29] Curious Hazelnut: psst, Koni ....
[18:29] Curious Hazelnut: This rat over here doesn't look all that dead.
[18:29] Curious Hazelnut: Just sorta slow.
[18:29] Koni Lanzius: the defendent is innocent by way of..
[18:29] Snoots Dwagon: Hey waits! Judge can't be Plaintiff too!
[18:29] Curious Hazelnut: and the one on the floor is downright energetic.
[18:29] Koni Lanzius: oh we dont have a crime!
[18:29] Koni Lanzius: if the rat lives
[18:29] Koni Lanzius: the charges wont stick!
[18:29] Feydra Zenoria: heeee details details
[18:29] Bryster Shan: My Tavern. My rules!
[18:29] Snoots Dwagon: I innocent by way of being a DWAGON! Dwagons is always innocent.
[18:30] Feydra Zenoria: nay they LOOK innocent is all
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon: May I makes a point in my case?
[18:30] Curious Hazelnut: only the mouse looks dead.
[18:30] Bryster Shan: We talking about dead critters on bartops!
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah! Curious right! Dat a good point!
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon: Is only ONE ded critter, an itta mouse.
[18:30] Taralyn Melodie: hmm the only dead one is the mouse i think
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon: dead mouses happen
[18:30] Koni Lanzius: ohh but I think he's pining for the fwords, yer honor
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon: Coulda been lefted by Ozzy
[18:30] Bryster Shan: Silence!
[18:30] Snoots Dwagon eeps
[18:30] Koni Lanzius: not dead, just resting
[18:31] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah Koni right
[18:31] Snoots Dwagon: It pining for da Fjords
[18:31] Bryster Shan: Snoots Dwagon? Are you a Dwagon?
[18:31] Snoots Dwagon: I is a Dwagon
[18:31] Bryster Shan: Ah-hah! So you confess????
[18:31] Snoots Dwagon: Hey wait, I not been sweared in!
[18:31] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster, you wanna do some swearin?
[18:31] Taralyn Melodie: wait? he's being accused of being a dwagon?
[18:31] Shawn Daysleeper: it's bad for business
[18:31] Bryster Shan: No swearing in da bar.
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Hey wait a seconds. I has one thing to say about dese ratses.
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: "They're not dead yet!"
[18:32] Koni Lanzius: no bleddin crime er!
[18:32] Curious Hazelnut: He's acused of leaving dead rats on the bar.
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Brings out you ded.
[18:32] Koni Lanzius: dey pinin!
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Brings out you ded.
[18:32] Bryster Shan: Snoots Dwagon has confessed to being a Dwagon and is therefore guilty as charged!!!!
[18:32] Taralyn Melodie: well, he is clearly innocent of leaving DEAD rats in the bar
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Yups, Bryster failin to serve drinkses
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Being a Dwagon make me automatic innocent.
[18:32] Snoots Dwagon: Clarence saw Snoots leave the dead critters.
[18:33] Taralyn Melodie: but the rats not dEAD!
[18:33] Feydra Zenoria: you sure mouse not taking a nap
[18:33] Snoots Dwagon: Let me ask Clarence. Clarence, stay quiet if I not leaved ratses.
(long wait...)
[18:33] Koni Lanzius: 'es meditating
[18:33] Snoots Dwagon waits....
[18:33] Snoots Dwagon: Okies see?
[18:33] Feydra Zenoria: ahhh
[18:33] Snoots Dwagon: Clarents says I not leaved ratses.
[18:33] Clarence: You busted Snoots.
[18:33] Snoots Dwagon: Hey!
[18:33] Shawn Daysleeper: lol
[18:34] Bryster Shan: Guilty!
[18:34] Snoots Dwagon: Cat's can't talks! I being frameded!
[18:34] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:34] Koni Lanzius: a hangin' judge!
[18:34] Feydra Zenoria: forgot the jury
[18:34] Taralyn Melodie: the jury hands down the verdict
[18:34] Taralyn Melodie: and i say innocent!
[18:34] Feydra Zenoria: aye I say innocent
[18:34] Bryster Shan: I hereby sentance you to being dunked in da Pond!

[18:34] Snoots Dwagon: OKIES!

[18:34] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD

[18:34] Koni Lanzius: a dunkin!!!!
[18:34] Koni Lanzius: he needs a bath!
[18:35] Snoots Dwagon: Koni you GREAT lawyer. I gonna get dunked in pond!
[18:35] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:35] Bryster Shan: THe evidence before the court is incotrovertable!
[18:35] Bryster Shan: There's no need for the jury to retire.
[18:35] Koni Lanzius: dont for get to wash da pits
[18:35] Snoots Dwagon: Somehow dis court case not seem fair for dwagons.
[18:35] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:35] Snoots Dwagon: I wanna hears from da dragons ober dere.
[18:36] Snoots Dwagon: Does dragons says I innocent? /me makes big blinky eyes
[18:36] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:36] Snoots Dwagon: Okies I calls on da one sensible person in da room to make da decision of whether I guilty or not
[18:37] Snoots Dwagon: DA RAT! Dat rat be total unbiased.
[18:37] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:37] Snoots Dwagon: I bet he frame me even!
[18:37] Shawn Daysleeper: it's the rats fault
[18:37] Snoots Dwagon: I bet these rats all hims friends!
[18:37] Snoots Dwagon: Is court ober? I getting hungry for my 4 cookies
[18:37] Snoots Dwagon: Koni, I only chargings him 4 cookies an 2 rums
[18:37] Bryster Shan: You is going in da pond!
[18:38] Curious Hazelnut: Free drinks for the guilty!
[18:38] Koni Lanzius: I'll bring your bubble bath stuff and ducky
[18:38] Snoots Dwagon: I would likes to points out dat I comed all dressed and ready for rat removal.
[18:38] Snoots Dwagon: And da judge said NOPES! I NOT HIRING YOU!
[18:38] Feydra Zenoria: ahhhh?
[18:38] Snoots Dwagon: So I trieds to removes rats, an hims says nopes.
[18:38] Snoots Dwagon: Does I get to be pond dunked now? :D
[18:39] Feydra Zenoria: ohhh yeh give him a bath
[18:39] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:39] Snoots Dwagon: if Bryster hires me, it only take me couple minutes to gets rid of ratses. And I cheap
[18:40] Curious Hazelnut: does anyone else see the problem with dunking Snoots in the pond?
[18:40] Snoots Dwagon: I not see any prollem with it! :D
[18:40] Feydra Zenoria: he needs it .. phew!
[18:40] Snoots Dwagon: Hey I a clean dwagon!
[18:41] Curious Hazelnut: ya, if you put Snoots in the pond the water's gonna be so dirty nobody else will be able to swim for a week until the scum goes away.
[18:41] Taralyn Melodie: *grins*
[18:41] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:41] Snoots Dwagon: Hey I not a dirty dwagon!
[18:41] Feydra Zenoria: hmmmm that is problem ok
[18:41] Snoots Dwagon: I swims regular!
[18:41] Feydra Zenoria: take him throw out into ocean
[18:41] Snoots Dwagon: An I eats deodorants!
[18:41] Curious Hazelnut: once a year is not alla time.
[18:41] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[18:42] Curious Hazelnut: and swimming in the bog of eternal stench doesn't 'zactly make you clean.
[18:42] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:42] Taralyn Melodie: *giggles*
[18:42] Snoots Dwagon: I not has to sits here be insulted. I can get insulted elsewhere!
[18:42] Shawn Daysleeper: ??HaHaHa??
[18:43] Curious Hazelnut: yep, you could Snoots.
[18:43] Curious Hazelnut: But it's more fun to insult you here.
[18:43] Snoots Dwagon: I not see no ded critters at all.
[18:43] Curious Hazelnut: what about the rat behind the cookie jar, Snoots?
[18:43] Snoots Dwagon chews slowly, hoping nobody sees.
[18:44] Snoots Dwagon: I not see no rat
[18:44] Curious Hazelnut: move the cookie jar, you'll see a rat.
[18:47] Snoots Dwagon: I gots joke
[18:47] Curious Hazelnut gets ready to cover her ears.
[18:47] Snoots Dwagon: Two hunters crossing bridge.
[18:47] Snoots Dwagon: It about 20 ft down to water
[18:47] Snoots Dwagon: And dey figure good time to use bafroom.
[18:47] Snoots Dwagon: So dey standing dere tinkling.
[18:48] Snoots Dwagon: Off side of bridge into river.
[18:48] Snoots Dwagon: One hunter gets smirky smile and says, "Boy, water sure is cold today!"
[18:48] Snoots Dwagon: And other hunter smiles and says, "Yeah, and it's deep too"
[18:48] Taralyn Melodie: oh dear
[18:48] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:48] Taralyn Melodie: *giggles*
[18:49] Snoots Dwagon: What is diffSnootsce between Rhinocerous and a egg?
[18:49] Taralyn Melodie: ummm?
[18:49] Curious Hazelnut: horns?
[18:49] Koni Lanzius: wot?
[18:49] Snoots Dwagon: Boy I not gonna send you to store for eggs Koni. You prolly bring back a rhino.
[18:49] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:49] Bryster Shan: Ack!
[18:50] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster prolly gathering fakes evidence against poor innocent dwagon.
[18:50] Snoots Dwagon: Bryster, wannna hires me to get rid of rats?
[18:50] Snoots Dwagon: I only charges 4 cookies an 2 rums!
[18:50] Bryster Shan: Snoots? Dey your rats!
[18:50] Snoots Dwagon: Dey not my rats!
[18:50] Snoots Dwagon: Proves dey my rats!
[18:51] Bryster Shan: Clarence? Who left the rats?
[18:51] Snoots Dwagon: Clarence is a cat. Dey lies alla time.
[18:51] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:51] Taralyn Melodie: *nods*
[18:52] Snoots Dwagon: Him knows Snoots innocent dwagon dat would neber, eber leaves rats on counter.
[18:52] Snoots Dwagon: But I can gets rid of dems.
[18:52] Snoots Dwagon: It only cost 4 cookies an 2 rums. Comes on, dat pretty cheap!
[18:53] Taralyn Melodie: *nods* its not a bad rate i guess
[18:53] Snoots Dwagon: I already getted rid of ded mouse, for free! (*belch*)
[18:53] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:53] Taralyn Melodie: where the mouse go?
[18:53] Taralyn Melodie: ohhhhhh
[18:53] Taralyn Melodie: eeewwwwww
[18:53] Koni Lanzius: the evidence is missing!
[18:54] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah!
[18:54] Snoots Dwagon: No ded animals in here!
[18:54] Clarence: Snoots put the rats there. Snoots put the rats there.
[18:54] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:54] Snoots Dwagon: LIke I said, cats lie alla time.
[18:54] Koni Lanzius: cat has a conflict of interest
[18:54] Snoots Dwagon: Yeah!
[18:54] Snoots Dwagon: He knows he not lies, NO TUNA FOR YOU!
[18:54] Bryster Shan: Any last words Dwagon?
[18:55] Taralyn Melodie: that dwagon is innocent
[18:55] Snoots Dwagon: I demands jury of my peers.
(Clarence attacks Snoots at this point)
[18:55] Snoots Dwagon: Nice kitty
[18:55] Snoots Dwagon: pet pet pet
[18:55] Taralyn Melodie: the jury said
[18:55] Curious Hazelnut: is Clarence attacking Snoots?
[18:55] Bryster Shan: Yes.
[18:55] Bryster Shan: Sentence is passed.
[18:55] Snoots Dwagon: Nice kitty
[18:55] Taralyn Melodie: are you alright
[18:56] Curious Hazelnut: Throw him in the Bog of Eternal Stench!
[18:56] Snoots Dwagon: Dis cat got wierd purr
[18:56] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:56] Bryster Shan: He's gonna folow you home for sure!
[18:56] Snoots Dwagon: I bet it Clarence brought in rats so he'd has supper!
[18:56] Taralyn Melodie: *nods
[18:56] Snoots Dwagon: Cos I bet Bryster forgetted to feeds him so he brot in rats
[18:57] Snoots Dwagon: But I will gets rid of ems for cheap!
[18:57] Snoots Dwagon: Only 4 cookies an... okay.. ONE rums
[18:57] Snoots Dwagon: Yups I checks meter. Rats still dere
[18:57] Snoots Dwagon: But I can kills 'em right out
[18:57] Snoots Dwagon: I broght my ratgun
[18:58] Snoots Dwagon: Okies Bryster, wot final judgment?
[18:59] Curious Hazelnut: Bog of Eternal Stench!
[18:59] Bryster Shan: You is guilty as charged.
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: Okies. Pond?
[18:59] Curious Hazelnut: Bog of Eternal Stench!
[18:59] Curious Hazelnut: Bog of Eternal Stench!
[18:59] Curious Hazelnut: Bog of Eternal Stench!
[18:59] Bryster Shan: You try to scam me.
[18:59] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: Me???
[18:59] Bryster Shan: Yups!
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: Wot make you think I bringed ratses in here?
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: Where is pruf?
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: I bringed rat fighting stuffs.
[18:59] Bryster Shan: The fact that they have your name on dem.
[18:59] Snoots Dwagon: Dey does nots!
[18:59] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[19:00] Curious Hazelnut: they got collars?
[19:00] Snoots Dwagon: I not see collars
[19:00] Gandalf Farstrider: prima facie evidence that one is
[19:00] Snoots Dwagon: I not see branded in furs
[19:00] Snoots Dwagon: I not see rat tags
[19:00] Bryster Shan: Rat #6 Creator Fillo Farber - Owner Snoots Dwagon
[19:00] Snoots Dwagon: Wot you talking about? I think you beens drinkings too much rums.
[19:00] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[19:01] Snoots Dwagon looks close at rat
[19:02] Snoots Dwagon: I not sees no rat tags
[19:02] Snoots Dwagon: Not a collar
[19:02] Snoots Dwagon: Okay Bryster, I makes you deal. I gets rid of rats for 2 COOKIES
[19:03] Snoots Dwagon: You can't say no to 2 cookie rat deal!

(Bryster Draws a sword and starts chasing Snoots)

[19:03] Snoots Dwagon: !!! run away run away

(Snoots starts jumping over bartops. Somehow no matter where Bryster chases... Snoots is no longer there.)

[19:03] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[19:03] Koni Lanzius: well i guess that concludes the trial
[19:04] Snoots Dwagon: KANGAROO COURT!
[19:04] Bryster Shan hums tune for Mission Impossible
[19:04] Snoots Dwagon eeps

(As Snoots runs from Bryster and flips over counters...)

[19:05] Snoots Dwagon: I getting hired to get rats out?
[19:05] Snoots Dwagon: Only 2 cookies!
[19:05] Snoots Dwagon: Dat pretty good deal
[19:05] Bryster Shan: Not hired. You is scammer!
[19:06] Snoots Dwagon: *mwwahaas* :)~~~~
[19:07] Gandalf Farstrider: good night all.....hope you get your rat problem fixed bryster
[19:07] Bryster Shan: I have to fix an Snoots problem first.
[19:07] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD

(Snoots hides underneath Koni's skirt where Bryster can't get to him)

[19:07] Bryster Shan: Cowedly Dwagon hides in ladiesskirts.
[19:08] Snoots Dwagon polishes boots
[19:08] Koni Lanzius: awww
[19:09] Snoots Dwagon: RATBUSTERS to da rescue!
[19:09] Snoots Dwagon: ONE cookie?
[19:09] Bryster Shan: No wonder eberbody goes home. Too many rats.
[19:09] Bryster Shan: And one scam merchant
[19:10] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[19:10] Snoots Dwagon: Okies I kills rats for 1 cookie
[19:10] Snoots Dwagon: anna rum
[19:10] Bryster Shan: Not paying. Getting health and safety bigwig to come and bust you.
[19:10] Snoots Dwagon: Comes on! One cookie! One lousy cookie!
[19:11] Bryster Shan: You got no license for dat machine either.
[19:11] Snoots Dwagon: It only a portable backpack nuclear accelerator
[19:11] Snoots Dwagon: Great for zappings rats
[19:11] Snoots Dwagon: I hired?
[19:11] Bryster Shan: You couldn't hit a barn door with that thing.
[19:11] Snoots Dwagon: I could! I good shot!
[19:12] Bryster Shan: couldn't
[19:12] Snoots Dwagon: CAN!
[19:12] Bryster Shan: CAN'T!
[19:12] Snoots Dwagon: I show you!
[19:12] Koni Lanzius: hehe

(Snoots sets off several volleys which vaporize the rats entirely... not hide nor hair left)

[19:12] Snoots Dwagon: Dere, see, got all 3 rats!
[19:12] Bryster Shan: Oh so I was wrong.
[19:12] Snoots Dwagon: Dey vapor... oh wait.. .. HEY!
[19:12] Bryster Shan: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
[19:12] Snoots Dwagon: Uh....
[19:13] Snoots Dwagon: Can I still habs a cookie?
[19:13] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD

----

COMMENTS

Comment by Oona Sharple on May 18, 2010 at 3:25pm
    Hahaha ! Umm..Oona thinks ya innocents Snoots :) heee So,wut pond dey talks about? Da one wif da really scary fishie in it?

    Oona so scared of dat fishie ! Once Oona hads really bad lag day and fell into pond and sees dat fishie ! Oona totally freakeds out and toodles in dat pond fer like ferever ! Couldn't get out ! And Oona very scared,in RL even ! Oona hads to port out of pond to get out....

    Dat one nasty fishie..Hopes ya not has to be dunked in dat pond..

Comment by Wayfinder Wishbringer on May 18, 2010 at 4:17pm

    I wondered why that pond looked a little more yellow than normal one day. Now I know..

Comment by Oona Sharple on May 18, 2010 at 4:21pm

    Wut ya means yellow? Oona not pee pees in it,if dat wut ya thinks...But Oona almost pee pees in da pants in RL tho..Dat fishie really scary,Wayfinder..

    Oona no likee dat fishie..Oona stays far away from dat pond..

Comment by Zauber Paracelsus on May 19, 2010 at 9:12am

    Never a dull moment at the tavern, eh?

Comment by Butterpaw Bravin on May 20, 2010 at 3:47pm

    awww see whats I misses on da day I can't come? sigh...
    Dat a very exciting advenchure, but Bryster WRONG! Dwagons is ALWAYS innocent!

Comment by Hecatya Idimmu on May 22, 2010 at 3:25pm

    From what i see from outside dwagon Snoots is indeed always inocent, but what i like the most at him is that he has no fear, he is very brave.
    Thank you Snoots for sharing DA AWFUL RAT INVASION.

Vendui,Elf Clanners :) Da udder day,Kylinn and Oona planned a slumber party fer lasses only in da sandybox:)
It all worked out well :) heeee We hads so much fun :D
 

And yes,it ONLY fer lasses,so da lads hads to stay out ! Most of da lads got da message,tho ;) hehe

We had a tent and a fire pit,marshmellows,pizza,cookies and drinks:)

We even hads a hut tub :) And big walls to keeps da lads out heeee We dun wants lad koodies !

Kylinn ^^

Kylinn has wootnogs :)

Oona :)

Oona had marshmellows and free PJs fer everyone:)

Malada^^

Malada brings her squirrel :)

Cute kitteh ^^

And dis cute kitteh came too:) We gives her a wootnog ^^ Kittehs we likes Kitteh's name is Dakkon:)

Cousin Curi ^^

Oona's cousin,Curious came also :) She had cute PJs ^^

Kelly^^

Kelly came by also fer a wootnog and she had purdy wings da udders said,but Abby sooo slow dat evenin..Not sure if dey rezzes right fer Oona.

Feydra ^^

Feydra was beautiful blue :)

Koni ^^

Koni cute in pink :) heeee (Oona lucky to get dis pic before she poofed:) )

Dere was more lasses dat came,but Abby too slow to rez dem all..

Den it was story time:)

We all sat around da fire.One starteds and we all makes a story together :) It all so peaceful and nice..

And den....Dis umm..wierd lass shows up ! And she looks kinda familiar too !

"Erena"

Erena..Even da name sounds familiar...hmm..

We not sure about dis lass,so we chases her out heeeee

We continue are story and thinks everythin all good.She comes backs again ! And dis time she taller and even more wierd O.O

"Erena" comes backs..We not sure about her....We very sure it a lad in disguise.So we testings a lil dis time heeee

[06:10 PM] Kylinn Leimes: Okay, Erena, prove you is a girl! Tell us about - what you favorite brand feminine protection!
[06:10 PM] Koni Lanzius: Ahahaha! XD
[06:10 PM] Koni Lanzius: OMG!!
[06:10 PM] Eren Padar: Uh... uh... kick in da groin?
[06:10 PM] Kelly Kingmaker: lol
[06:10 PM] Koni Lanzius: hehe
[06:10 PM] Feydra Zenoria: heeeee
[06:10 PM] Oona Sharple: uhhh !
[06:10 PM] Oona Sharple: *~*~ahAhAhaHhahahaH*~*~

BUSTEDS! Hahaha ! We not stoopid ! We knows it was Eren ! Pfft ! We chases hims out ! hahahaha
Dat was fun :D hehehehe

Thanks so much everyone fer comin :) And thanks so much Kylinn fer makin party wif Oona :)

Huggies !!

P.S. Oona really wants da "Erena" hooters pic LOL Abby too slow to get dat one.

Yay ! Oona got "Erena" hooters pic :)
 

Koni takes dis pic :) LOL Him even has wig ha ha ha

Originally posted 2011-09-23 by Wayfinder Wishbringer

    Steampunk has been given many definitions... likely none of which is entirely accurate or all-encompassing.  The generally-friendly debate on "what is steampunk?" and what "isn't"... is as diverse as "Which is better, Star Trek or Star Wars?".   Very divergent thoughts.

    For purpose of this article, Steampunk is defined as "An alternate world in which the Victorian age never ended and the digital age was never discovered."  So while Steampunk has huge steam-driven vessels, computational devices and airships... it lacks digital computers, nuclear energy, gasoline engines or space travel.  The clothing is beautiful and elaborate, or alternately grungy and leather.  The creations are brass and copper, iron and wood.  Power is steam and Tesla-electricity based.  Overall, Steampunk is elegant.

    There have been many books written in the Steampunk genre.  The movie THE GOLDEN COMPASS was very steampunk.  20,000 Leagues Under the Sea was steampunk to an extent (but I believe the Nautilus was powered by nuclear energy... so... questionable there).   I'd mention several more, but right now my memory is a little fuzzed.  I'm sure others can name other really good steampunk-based movies.  However, I don't think books and movies should be the definitive authority of Steampunk.  Those are single authors / production companies-- and there are few that could be considered the authority on the genre.  (In comparison, Tolkien is the authority on Elves and Orcs.  McCaffrey is the authority on Pern Dragons.  I just don't know of anyone in Steampunk that can make similar claim).
     There are several kinds of Steampunk.  There are the "purist" forms... and the "way out there" forms.  While not a purist, I tend to lean more toward the basic Steampunk genre simply because it appeals to me... and very much because of the name of the genre:  STEAM meaning relying on steam as the primary power source, and PUNK meaning a touch of anarchy thrown in.
     There is a known and recognized difference between Steampunk and Dieselpunk.  Dieselpunk is Steampunk, but with oil allowed as a power source.  MAD MAX might be considered Dieselpunk (but to many is more post-apocalyptic, which I personally don't consider to be Steampunk or Dieselpunk at all).  Despite the similarity of genre, Dieselpunk is not Steampunk.  That's an important distinction in the debate of what is and isn't Steampunk.   To be frank, for it to be Steampunk... it has to be steam-based.
     I find Steampunk divided into three areas:  creativity... industry (note: not technology)... and society.
 
CREATIVITY.  Real-life steampunkers are very creative.  For example, some people have created "steampunk-look" CD players, computer enclosures and other home appliances.  They tend to dress in Victorian clothing... which they often make themselves.  People make their own steampunk goggles (a necessity if one is riding in an airship of course), create steampunk guns (Nerf guns are a popular base from which to start-- paint in gold, brass and silver), make their own canes, hats, and many other things.  They wear pocket watches rather than wrist-watches.   Real-life steampunk fans revel in making contrivances that fit the genre.  Just look up STEAMPUNK on the net to see a wide variety of amazingly-creative devices.
 
INDUSTRY:  The primary energy source is two fold:  steam and Tesla-based electricity.  But that electricity itself is created by steam-powered engines.  Those engines are not fueled by oil or gasoline, but by wood and coal.  Steampunk is iron and steel and brass and copper.  It's large, ornate, marble buildings (think 1920s and 1930s US architecture).   It is cage-front elevators and electrical arc power generators and huge, gigantic steam engines powering an entire city.  There is almost no "technology" however.  The digital age simply never arrived.  They never discovered transistors, much less silicon chips.  There are computers and robots... but they are run by steam and gears, not digital circuits. 
 
There are elements of Steampunk that border on the fantasy.  For example, some robots are semi-sentient.  Now we know that is fairly impossible without some kind of digital or neuro-circuitry... but in the Steampunk world the gears and differential engines are so advanced... the robots are as smart if not smarter than in our digital age.  So it's not unusual for Steampunk robots to speak, do meanial jobs, act as delivery machines, and even hold rudimentary conversations with people.  In this, there is a touch of science-fantasy in the Steampunk genre.
 
Purist Steampunk industry allows for airships... but not rocket ships (they haven't discovered combustible fuel).  There aren't spaceships (note-- some "steampunk" books feature spaceships... but they usually go somewhat beyond basic "steampunk" concepts).  There have been steam-powered rocket ships (Jules Vern) but of course, such are totally unrealistic from a scientific standpoint.  So most Steampunk enthusiasts will agree:  Steampunk is limited to airships (but there is of course, some debate on that).
 
Steampunk airships are usually helium / propeller driven, large, slow and beautiful.  There is no "rush" in the steampunk world... no need to hurry.  That's one of the delights of the genre.  It is a slower, calmer age.
 
SOCIETY.  As far as I've been able to tell, steampunk society is divided primarily into specific areas:
 
1. THE SOCIAL ELITE. Think British society, the upper-crust, all prim and proper, long dresses and parasols, gents top hats and tails, vests and pocket watches, bustles and petticoats.  Polite to the extreme, modest, very Victorian.   They usually drive horses and buggies but sometimes will drive steam-powered vehicles.  They are wealthy, elite, polite.  They look down on those against social order.
 
2. THE MODERNS.  These are similar society, but not quite so prim and proper.  Their dresses may be a little shorter (gasp... knee-length!)... their necklines a little lower, their manners a little more flippant.  Think of the "flappers" of the 1920s but a little more "British". They're still "prim and proper"... but just not quite so prudish and reserved.  They are from middle-class to wealthy, a younger generation, and often the movers-and shakers.  The Elite tolerate them to an extent, but view them much as any older generation has viewed the younger generation.
 
3. THE ANARCHISTS.  These are the true "punks" of Steampunk.   Women can wear (gasp) pants!  They wear nose rings and leather and their symbol is the "circle A" Anarchy symbol.  They are anti-establishment, anti-elite, consider the "Moderns" as tolerable but "yuppies" (in our terms).  The anarchists are wild and prone to throw monkey-wrenches into the works... especially where they see the steam-barons overpowering personal free-will.   The Anarchists are everything you might expect an anarchist to be.  Don't mistake them however, for modern-day punk society.  They still are very much victorian-style in dress.  Their dresses may be a lot shorter, they may wear pants (shocking!), but their garments are definitely Victorian in style (though highly altered).  Their hairdos are individual, but far from what we would consider "punk" or "technopunk". 
 
4. THE "WRENCH WENCHES".  This is a term affectionately applied mainly to women who do hard, manual labor, but the concept applies to males as well.  These are the workers, the laborers.  Their common dress is tough leather, overalls, leather hats, goggles and tool belts.  They may work to make a living, or they may be the geniuses who form the foundation of steampunk society.  They may be wealthy or poor, but they're the ones that use their hands, backs and wits to keep society going.  They're not interested in bookkeeping, anarchy or business.  They love the machines and keeping things running, inventing new things, and are the backbone of steampunk society.  Without them, the society would quickly crumble, as no one else has the skills to keep the machinery going.  In this social area, women are considered the equal of men, just as skilled, just as creative and valuable.   There is no "social niche" here; your value is based on your skills and nothing else. 

5. THE MILITARY.  Steampunk is well known for its incredible machine-based wars.  So of course the military often hold heavy rule.  This will differ from storyline to storyline, so there are no absolutes here. 
 
There is in truth, far more to Steampunk than the short (personal opinion) outline I've given here.  The above things mentioned are what you will likely most often find when you search for "Steampunk" on the Internet.  There are wide debates as to what steampunk is and isn't.  That's part of what makes it fun. Since Steampunk isn't "real"... it's a fantasy world you can make your own.  What steampunk means to you... is what steampunk becomes for you.   Just as in Elf Clan we've created our own style of fantasy, in steampunk you can create your own style of society.
 

--o--

Recently Tateru posted a blog presenting Second Life as if it were a Monopoly game.  The blog includes a pretty nifty game board.  You can view it here:

http://dwellonit.taterunino.net/2012/05/23/announcing-second-life-t...

YOU KNOW, IT JUST MIGHT WORK...

    So I started thinking on it and well, it's a viable concept.  Here are just a few of the "Linden Lab Policy" cards I came up with:

Linden Lab increases tier fees with no grandfathering.  Shut down 20% of your land holdings.*

You discover severe server-side texture issues.  Lose 2 turns while textures reload.

SL Market delivers wrong item.  Put back vehicle asset and take random clothing card instead.

Asset server changes all objects to full perm.  Lose all merchant-related assets and move them to the Freebie card pile.

Linden Lab ignores several JIRA postings.  Close your eyes and place playing piece on a random square.

Linden Lab stacks your server... again.   Lose 1 turn every other turn until the end of the game (if all players have suffered this, everyone takes it for granted and the game resumes as normal).

Customer support finally gets back to you after several months.  Lose 12 turns.

Linden Lab releases a new Viewer.  Lose 5 turns while trying to figure out new game rules. 

You are forced to provide a detailed, tech-level JIRA to the company in order to get a basic function to work.  Move only 1/2 the spaces you roll for the rest of the game.

Those are just a few to get started.  Maybe you can add some of your own.

--o--

P.S.  If this SL Monopoly game doesn't sound like a lot of fun... be assured-- it isn't.  And playing the game is very expensive.  : (

* 20% is the actual percentage of total regions that angrily shut down when Linden Lab "bait and switch" price-hiked Homestead regions.  They tried to milk the cash-cow and instead killed the golden goose.

    Once upon a time Schlitzie, Zekeen and Mean Golem were out touring the countryside.  Suddenly there came a downpour and the only available shelter was a farmhouse.

    They knocked on the door and despite the fact the farmer met an Ork, a Dragon and a Viking at his door, he welcomed them in hospitably.

    "I have but a small home," he told them.  "I can sleep two of you barely, but one will have to sleep out in the barn.  There is a cow and a pig out there, if ye can handle that."

     Schlitzie was the first to speak up.  "I'm an Ork.  I can 'andle ANYTHIN'!"  So he goes out to the barn and everyone settles to bed.

    Five minutes later a knock comes on the door, and there stands Schlitzie.

    "I'm sorry, but strong as I am, that cow and pig are stronger.  I can't take the smell."

    "That's all right," Zekeen said.  "I'm a Troll and I've got no problem with cows and pigs.  I'll sleep in the barn."

    So everyone settles down to sleep.  But 5 minutes later there is a knock on the door.  They open to find Zekeen standing there.

    "I've lived 500 years," he states.  "No offense, but I've never smelled such rancid animals."

    "Oi, yer all wimps!" says Mean Golem.  "Sleep in yer tidy beds, I'll go out to the barn!"

    So once again everyone settled down to sleep.  But 5 minutes later there came another knock on the door. 

    There stood the cow and the pig.

See end of article for explanations of the obscure.

GM: "That's not a moon.  It's a spaceship!"

Player: "Good.  Let's find a door, pick the lock and see if we can hijack it."

================

GM: "There is a bantha standing in the road."

Player: "I attack."

GM: "A bantha is a harmless beast of burden."

Player: "Great!  There's probably treasure in its pack.  I attack."

================

GM: "The force is strong in this one."

Player: "Really?  Okay then... I kill him now before he powers up."

================

Player: "I burst into the room.  How many droids do I see?"

GM: "Approximately 3,000."

Player: "I attack."

================

GM: "Do or do not.  There is no try."

Player: "What, no saving throw?"

================

Player: "I turn on the light sabre."

GM: "Roll to see if it's facing the right direction."

================

GM: "These aren't the droids you're looking for."

Player: "I just rolled a 20 against Force Will.  Yes they are."

GM: ....

================

Player: "Auntie Owen!  Uncle Beru!...  oh.... LEWT!"

================

EXPLANATIONS

    "Powering up" is marshalling one's strength / power / spells etc.  Sometimes it takes a minute or so to gather forces.  Other times... not so much.

    It is a common practice in gaming to "lewt" (loot) bodies after killing them.  No telling what kind of goodies one might find in the pockets.  Ignore the ethics-- this may mean survival or even gold!  Also ignore that you were first hired to track these guys down because they were lewting dead bodies...

    A "saving throw" is a last-chance effort at survival when all else has failed.  Successful, you're just unconscious or manage to evade an otherwise fatal blow.  Otherwise-- you're dead.  No saving throw means you can't possibly avoid the disaster.

    3000 droids:  gamers have been known to cast all common sense out the window-- in almost every instance.

--o--

-- a commentary by Wayfinder Wishbringer

    True freedom must contain boundaries, for freedom without constraints invariably infringes upon the freedom of others.

     Zauber put a term to this concept:  the Freedom Paradox.  I think that is an excellent term.

     Simply stated the Freedom Paradox is this:  as human beings we do have certain rights.  Those rights include basic freedoms to think and act as we please-- to a degree.  In order for freedom to be real, we must be willing to accept reasonable constraints.

    However as with so many things associated with humankind as a whole, we often take the concept of "freedom" to an extreme.  People propose that we have a right to do anything we want to do so long as it "doesn't harm anyone else".

    The problem with this concept is that it takes for granted that we as individuals have the ability to consistently and accurately judge the consequences of our actions on others, or upon our environment.  Therein lies the rub; our history as a species clearly indicates that as a society, we tend to grossly misunderstand the world around us and to make very bad decisions. The current state of the environment should be strong indication we really don't manage ourselves very well.

    The idea that we should be able to do whatever we want has a correlation to something we are all acquainted with:  two-year-olds.   There is no one more self-centered, self-focused and individualistic than a two-year old.  They are so narcissistic that we refer to that age as the terrible twos.  Why?  Because two year olds are concerned with one thing and one thing only:  whatever they want.  Hopefully the restrictions imposed upon us by our parents helps us through that stage so that we learn a degree of self-control, imposed by boundaries. Their guidance, their restriction of our desired freedoms, help us mature.  We discover the freedoms we insist on when we were two weren't necessarily in our best interest, nor in the best interest of those around us.

    However that is not the only time in our lives we go through that phase.  We are all acquainted with teens.  Most of us remember our teen years, how insufferable we were, and wonder how our parents had any patience with us at all.  Why?  Because teens, like two-year-olds, often go through a phase in which they think they know more than others and are interested only in one thing:  whatever they want.  Most of us go through that stage and thankfully, survive it.  Hopefully we grow, become more mature and learn from those wiser than we.  Eventually we become adults and wonder how we ever got through our teens without someone killing us.  Unfortunately some can't make that claim; they paid the ultimate price for their insistence on "freedom" without limits.  They did not understand the paradox of real freedom-- that it must be exercised with wise boundaries.

    Unfortunately many people fail to learn the lessons of childhood and the teen years.  They enter their adult years still believing they know more than anyone else and that, yes, they should be able to do whatever they want.  It is a repetitive cycle that many never outgrow.

THE FREEDOM PARADOX

    The point of the Freedom Paradox is this:   true freedom means accepting limits on freedom.  Those of us who survived our youth generally recognize this to be true.  It means that freedom cannot be truly exercised and truly enjoyed without setting reasonable and wise boundaries.  In order to have freedom one must be willing to curtail freedoms, to set logical limits. 

    Ideally this should be done at individual levels.  But since we as individuals simply don't know everything, since we are not omniscient, we give up some of our individual freedoms to form greater freedoms.  The labels we attach to this are civilization and society... an organization of individuals dedicated to a common goal.   We empower that society to pass laws and enforce those laws.  We set a police agency to enforce those restrictions on individuals who refuse to recognize the wisdom of them.  As a society we do recognize that some limitations must be employed on individual freedoms to protect the safety of the whole.  Those who refuse to recognize such limitations we refer to as criminals or sociopaths.

    Despite this recognition of reality, there is still a tendency among society as a whole to insist on massive whims, desires and whatever they want... despite quite obvious and logical reasons against such.   Our history is full of the failures of society:  the Crusades, two world wars, the pollution of the earth.  We could spend all day, next week, next year and the rest of our lives detailing and debating how even society fails to properly handle "freedom", but all of them come down to a simple concept:

    Just because society wants to does not mean it should.  Just because society thinks something is right  does not make it so.  

     This of course is a problem, because if we cannot trust society to exercise proper wisdom, who do we trust?  When we, as individuals or as a civilization, insist on the concept that we know enough, are wise enough and competent enough to do whatever we want... we suffer the danger of crossing the line from freedom into anarchy, from reasonable boundaries into no boundaries, from society into chaos.  The result is in the breakdown of society, the failure of civilization, the descent into anarchy.  Three steps forward, two steps back. 

THE MICROCOSM OF ELF CLAN

    A few of us were discussing why it is that Elf Clan is popular, why our lands are peaceful and harmonious, why people enjoy living on our G-rated, family-friendly lands when they could experience greater "freedoms" elsewhere.  The answer is obvious:  Because Elf Clan lands offer true freedom, not the illusion of freedom without constraints.

    Yes, our group has "rules" and guidelines.  Some of them are basic, some of them are specific.  That very set of guidelines lets people know where they stand.  We establish a set of freedoms along with restrictions.  Within the safety-net of those restrictions our members know they have all the freedoms necessary to enjoy our lands and group.  We recognize as a group that our harmony, our peacefulness, our limited drama are not by accident.  As individuals we are willing to sacrifice some individual freedoms to ensure a far greater and more harmonious freedom.  We call that freedom Elf Clan, and it is quite unique.

    We see the results of unbridled freedom elsewhere.  In truth griefers insist on such "freedoms" and like a two-year-old failing to get what they want, they engage in tantrums (griefing).  In other areas we see folks who speak however they want, dress however they want and act however they want, without any regard for the individuals around them.  Their excuse:  this is an "adult" grid and we can do whatever we want.  By insisting on their own freedoms, by ignoring the concepts of ethics or morality, they encroach upon the freedoms of others and "pollute" their environment with that attitude.  People are aware of this.  It is palpable.  You can feel it when you travel elsewhere.  It is stressful.

    I don't consider that freedom, but anarchy.  Anarchy breeds chaos.  Chaos breeds destructive attitudes, discontent, abuses, drama and the issues we see throughout virtual reality worlds.  That's why people come to Elf Clan.  That is why we will sometimes receive IMs or notecards from visitors telling us how beautiful and peaceful our lands are.  That is why people make their homes with Elf Clan.  People come to our lands to unwind and de-stress.   They know that when they come to Elf Clan they will find the opposite of what they find elsewhere; they will find real freedom.

    I by no means condone limitations or restrictions on real freedoms.  People do have rights to live their lives as they wish, without someone persecuting or harassing them for doing so.   But is it wise to go to the extreme opposite and condone "anything we want" as being freedom?  Freedom without constraints invariably infringes on the freedom of others.

    In order to have true freedom we must be willing to accept limitations.  That is the Freedom Paradox. Those limitations and restrictions are for our safety, our harmony and to moderate those who do not seem to know how to moderate themselves.  Boundaries help us protect ourselves from ourselves and further, serve to protect the very environment in which we live.   That is what the Elf Clan Charter is about, what our group is about... and is why we enjoy real freedom.

--o--

Note:  This was originally posted July 25, 2012 and received excellent acceptance in the comments area by Elf Clan members.  It embodies the concept behind the Elf Clan Charter, which is why it is re-printed here.

Originally posted Sept 17, 2013

The following document has been unanimously approved by the Elf Clan Eldar and is published here in response to public drama, malicious accusations and falsehoods that have caused some of our members concern.  We trust this will make our position-- and reasons behind such-- completely clear.

===============================
STATEMENT OF THE ELF CLAN ELDAR
Lately there has been a number of posts attacking Elf Clan and/or its members on certain issues regarding group policies-- most notably our group position on minors and the hotbed issue of same-gender marriage. We have already sufficiently replied to the first issue.  Herein we reply to the second.

OUR RESPONSE TO HATE POSTS AND FALSE CLAIMS:

    It is established history that tolerance has never been brought about through hatred and intolerance.  Calling someone "homophobic" is just as bigoted and prejudiced a statement as slurs against someone because of their sexual preference.

    This recognized:  It is not only improper, but it is against Federal law to incite public hatred against individuals  or a group based on race, ethnicity, religious beliefs, sexual preferences or creed-- regardless of personal beliefs and preferences.  This applies from both directions.  

    No member of Inworldz has the right to attack our group or members because we decide to conduct ourselves differently from their personal beliefs, whims or agendas.  Further, such activity is in breach of the Inworldz TOS, which prohibits public defamation of individuals or groups.  Regardless of where hate-based activity takes place or by whom, for whatever reason, it is still wrong.

    In everyday practice, no individual or group has the right or privilege to tell another group how to conduct its group or lands.  Every region on Inworldz insists on the concept of "The Sim Owner's word is law".   That applies to Elf Clan lands as well as anywhere else.  Anyone attempting to interfere with our group who is not of our group is considerably out of line.

    These important concepts established, let us discuss the issues at hand.

    Statements attacking Elf Clan and its members have been posted without bothering to ask us the reasons behind our policies.  Some individuals have intentionally twisted the meanings of forum posts to promote personal agendas and inflame emotional response. 

    It is evident such defamation is a result of lack of information and even personal hatred-- as well as evident lack of interest in obtaining the truth of these matters.   Such posts have included libelous claims and direct attacks, open flaming and drama.  Most of these are based on what are basically false assumptions in addition to intentional manipulation by specific forum members.  We shall address these issues here.

 

PROHIBITIONS OF SAME-GENDER MARRIAGE

    We were asked by certain indivdiuals if Elf Clan allowed same sex marriage as a public event.  It was later discerned this was with the purpose of forcing their personal opinions on our group by starting an emotional bigotry war.

    When they were referred to the Elf Clan Charter and its prohibition against political and controversial real life issues in Elf Clan, it was charged on Inworldz forums that Elf Clan's Founder (myself) and Elf Clan itself are "bigoted and discriminatory".  Let it be known such decision was not made due to any claimed "homophobic" sentiment.  Charges of bigotry and discrimination are false and slanderous.
    The decision to prohibit same sex marriages as an official event was made unanimously by the Elf Clan Eldar , for several very good reasons:

    1) We are a family-friendly, G-rated group.  Same-sex politics do not fit into that environment.   It turns an aspect of role play into one of real-life sexual commentary and controversy and brings politics into our "no politics allowed" group and as such does not respect the Elf Clan Charter-- the core guideline of our group.  

    2) This is not a matter of homosexuality; it is a matter of sexuality, period.  The Elf Clan Charter specifies open sexuality (thereby, sexually-charged controversy) is prohibited on these lands.

    3) Our group Charter specifically forbids POLITICS, RELIGION and PUBLIC CONTROVERSY on our lands.   Same-sex marriage is a hotbed of all three.  It is a divisive element... as forum posters have proved beyond any doubt. 

    4) Same-gender marriage has no precedent in the Elven lore and theme upon which our group and lands are based.  Recently we have expanded our themes to include science fiction and steampunk, but neither of those themes include such concept as an inherent part of the genre, nor does that alter our G-RATED status, which requires all themes to stay within the sensible boundaries of the Elf Clan Charter.

    5) Regardless of personal beliefs and feelings, same-gender marriage is still illegal in the vast majority of the United States.  (See ammendment below.)  That is a fact Elf Clan opposers have chosen to ignore.  Our group shall not be expected to officially condone and portray something that is still largely illegal in this country.  However, even should such in the future become legal, that does not change or negate the other issues listed above. 

    Real life legal or illegal-- politics, controversy, sexuality and drama are neither welcome nor permitted on Elf Clan lands.  The rule is well-known:  No drama-- zero tolerance.

Regardless, whether one personally agrees with these facts or not is irrelevant to the operation of our group and does not negate our right to exercise our policies on our lands as we deem fit.  Our group policies are not dictated by the personal lifestyles, whims and beliefs of others, nor should they be.  Anyone who attempts to interfere with how we conduct our group and lands is considerably out of line.  This is a principle widely-recognized on the Inworldz platform.

  

ELF CLAN'S VIEW TOWARD BIGOTRY AND DISCRIMINATION

    Most users of virtual worlds are aware of the fact there are men who have female avatars and vice versa.  There are known homosexual and lesbian members in Elf Clan.  They are treated with the same respect as anyone else so long as they conduct themselves in a manner that is required of all members, namely: respect for the Elf Clan Charter and land ratings (G-rated lands).    In short this means:  do not openly practice sexual activities in public nor make other members uncomfortable by bringing blatant sexuality into this group. 

    "What you do in your homes is your business.  What you do in the streets is ours"... is one of Elf Clan's oldest tenets.  

TO ESTABLISH FACT

    Not once in our more-than-a-decade history has any Elf Clan Eldar published or uttered “hate-gay” sentiment or posts.  Not once have any of us promoted or condoned such sentiment, nor used any derogatory term in regard to the homosexual community, either in chat, blogs or posts.  Any member promoting bigotry or prejudice within our lands can be banned from our group.  (Note:  this works in both directions, for those who think calling someone a "homophobe" is acceptable behavior.  It is not-- and will be treated as the bigoted hate-term it was coined to be.)

    Members with same-gender real-life lifestyles own regions in our group. Their personal decisions in sexuality do not affect our dealings with them and we certainly are not discriminatory.  
    Claims to the contrary are fabrications and propaganda intended to incite hatred and promote personal agendas-- and are themselves discriminatory and hate-mongering in nature.  They are without basis in fact and reality.  Evidence indicates they originated simply because certain individuals disagree with faith-based beliefs held by other Inworldz members.  We do not tolerate hate-based activity, no matter where it originates or for what reason it is practiced.  Bashing religious people for their faith-based beliefs is viewed the same as bashing people for their sexual preferences.  There is no difference.  It is hate-mongering regardless.
    Our group has never at any time forbidden private activities on Elf Clan lands-- so long as they remained private.   The Charter does state that certain things shall not be allowed as official group events or publicly announced in group notices.  This includes not only same-sex marriage but the practice of politics, religion, the occult or any activities illegal or controversial in real life. 

    Anyone who expects Elf Clan to go against its core tenets and further-- to publicly condone controversial, highly-charged and even illegal issues in our "no real life allowed" lands, is without understanding of the fantasy / recreational purpose of our group and the purpose of the Elf Clan Charter namely: to retain dignity, honor, respect and friendship within these G-rated lands. 

 

HISTORICAL NOTE

    For a number of years marriage of any kind was restricted as Elf Clan official events as it was considered an obvious "problem area".  In Elven lore mating is forever.  It is taken very seriously.  In other groups RP "marriage" was witnessed to cause regular drama and emotionalism, a source of repeated controversy and division when couples broke up, and was often not treated honorably as such warrants-- even in RP. 

    Elf Clan marriage events of any kind were only later allowed when a number of members requested such as a function of role play.  As such, it still had to remain in harmony with the existing tenets of the Charter and was to be treated with all due honor and respect.
    Same-gender marriage has nothing to do with the Elven Fantasy theme of Elf Clan and goes beyond the basic concept of role play, dragging real life sexual controversy into this group.  It is a highly controversial, emotionally-charged subject and does not belong on our G-rated lands. 

    Therefore it was not included as an official event, any more than we would allow any other socially controversial, politically-charged activity on these family-friendly lands.  Personal feelings, beliefs and bias regarding this subject are irrelevant to the operation of our group on our lands.  In addition, to put things plainly: anyone not a member of Elf Clan has no business in this matter.
    Nevertheless some have chosen to improperly make it their business, even going so far as to falsely portray and twist statements of Elf Clan members to achieve their goals.  Such conduct is dishonest and dishonorable-- and certainly brings no respect at all to the concepts such people are trying to promote.  Bigotry and hatred have never fostered tolerance and acceptance.  This is a lesson of history, of which these individuals should be well aware.

OUR LANDS, OUR LAWS, OUR RIGHTS
    The Eldar long ago thoroughly considered and discussed this issue and came to unanimous decision regarding same-gender marriage as public events.  It was unanimously recognized as political in nature and real-life controversy that did not fit the Elf Clan theme in any way.

    Anyone still offended by this decision after reading the statements above is reminded that no one is forced to be a member of this group.  Members may join or leave as they please.  If one remains a member of Elf Clan they are expected to uphold the rulings and guidelines of the Elf Clan Charter and honor the G-rated, family-friendly nature of our group.

    If one is not a member of Elf Clan, our affairs and our lands is none of your business.  If someone visits our lands they are expected to conduct themselves according to our visitor guidelines-- regardless of personal beliefs and lifestyles--  and to respect the rules of our lands, as we would when visiting theirs.  If they do not deem that proper-- they are free to enjoy their virtual experience elsewhere.
    Nevertheless in this regard, in order to remove any possibility of misconception or charges of discrimination, we at this time return to our original policies.  Wedding ceremonies of any kind may no longer be presented as official Elf Clan events.  They are henceforth to be private affairs consisting of personal invitation.  In this way we are sure to be fair to all.  We are sorry that some in the gay community have forced this decision, but bigotry and intolerance tends to have negative results, no matter which direction it comes from.
    We trust this explains our position and corrects any misunderstandings in this matter.  We certainly hope this puts an end to falsified posts and propaganda regarding our group and members.

-- The Eldar of Elf Clan

Ammendment:   In 2015 (approximately two years after this article was published) the Supreme Court of the United States declared that states are required to issue license for and recognize same-sex marriage.  This of course does not apply to all nations but is a considerable landmark case.  This legal change recognized-- as stated above it does not alter the remainder of the Elf Clan Charter regarding open sexuality on Elf Clan lands.  The decision of the Eldar stands: all marriage ceremonies (regardless of gender) is not of group theme or benefit and thus is to be considered a private rather than official group event.